WARNING: Mature Content.




I texted him I want to try bondage.

In hindsight, the setting was poor. We only have a very small window of time, about two hours, to fuck. If it's just a basic fuck, there's ample time, but bondage with the blindfold and all that for the first time would require a lot of time. At least I was wearing my jockstrap at that time. Black with laces on the front.

After I entered the front door, I was ordered to kneel and wait orders.

A blindfold was slipped to me and my wrists were bound in front of me.

I was commanded to crawl to the bedroom. I crawled.

I was commanded to hop on to the bed and I did. I sucked him off for a while.

Then I was commanded to the edge of the bed and I did.

Then he slid himself in and told me to fuck myself. I was on my toes and my ankles tied, with my ass up, and face full of bed sheets. The pain and pleasure of going deep because of my fault balance is overwhelming.

There was a lot of resistance in my part. I was really humiliated and the verbal abuse was not really turning me on, probably triggering some trauma from the past. It was awful.

"I want to piss SIR." I was pissed and I really want to fight back, but you cant do that with a blindfold.

I was blindfolded, so there was no need to turn on the lights in the bathroom. I sat down to piss. Then that flashing white light blinked at me again. I know he was taking pictures from the start.

When I got back on the bed, he fucked me on my stomach with my hands tied. My ankles were far apart now, and he was getting in there deeper. He then stopped and flipped me over.

He told me he wont cum inside until I cum. It was difficult to concentrate, but I managed to. He told me to flip back.

He used the cum as lube and bred me. It felt different than spit and lube. More abrasive.

 As much as my fantasy was arousing, reality said otherwise. Later, he'd tell me I have "trouble with control." I'd also learn I'm not into verbal.

The pictures were sent to Security. Me in my jockstrap. Me sucking him. Me being fucked from behind. Me on the toilet and pissing. My ass glazed with cum after fucking me. Security liked them.

"God I'm fat," I said.

"No you're not." He's right.


He was in a phone call about someone's accounts or something like that.

He seems to be talking with a client.

A woman from the sound of it.

Something about an event.

Receipts were needed and some other document(s).

I gave up trying to listen. It's none of my business.

I meet his hips to my face. That's my fucking business.

My business is opening my mouth wider while he fucks my face and answers this business call.


I gave him a watercolor painting (one of the best), and a Ray Bradbury ("that was weird," he said). He gave me Aloha shirts, regular t-shirts, sport shirts, some underwear, and four Handjob Magazines from a stash under his bed.


Movie 6

When Movie 6 finally came out, I met him about a half hour late. When I arrived, I saw him eating some salad near the theater. I moved quietly amongst the cars and other masses and tapped him on the shoulder like some retarded ninja.
"Hey, how you doing." I said.

We catch up on work and things. By now you're practically familiar with Merman; there's lots of flirtation, but rarely fucking. I'm not complaining because I like him personally, but sometimes I wanted to ask him, "when can I rim you?"

We went to the theater and the movie had already started twenty minutes ago. We watched it with about six other people (older than both us combined) and sat ourselves in the back row. He's still eating some of his lunch. Curry.

We watched the movie like always: leaning on each other. After his lunch, we went to the usual hands-near-crotch position. This never gets old for me. Especially now that he wanted me to go commando.

It's what he wanted because my underwear-jeans-belt combo was too tight. I went all the way opting for a pair baggy cargo shorts. He snaked up there so fast, he was cupping my cock in seconds.

We both have canker sores at the moment so there wasn't any tongue action. So we settled for petting, and I almost got too loud because he was stroking my cock.

We made out a little, and I tasted curry. God I was hungry (in more ways than one).

We finished the movie, and still understood what happened. We talked about home remedies ("hydrogen peroxide tastes like cum," I said, and he agreed), kissing, and things we'd do to each other in bed.

When my stop came, I did my usual kiss and thanks. It was a great day.



In one of my overnight stays with Old Guard, I got a fever.

I started getting the signs as I trekked up to his place after work. I know it was happening and I didn't stop myself. I want to meet him, I want to get fucked, and I want to have company.

My body was saying, "no man, you are fucking exhausted and need some alone time to unwind and get well. No sharing of body fluids!" I was not listening.

When I got in, we did it like some old couple. Me in his shirt and my jockstrap (the black one that laces on the front), prancing around in the semi-buff and him cooking us both breakfast and bathing me.

In between the first and the second session, I got the fever that went through over the night. I became his human radiator/body pillow. Really having the works: bodily pain, loss of appetite, exhaustion, and chills.

However, in the end of the visit. I got to play with his vibrators. Two of them.

After washing me, he prepped my hole first. I was on my back with my legs up, and he rimmed me. My toes curl and uncurl and he worked his way on my hole and I moaned as thanks to the sensations.

After a few moments, he took out what looked like an Arneos, the same one he played with me while my ankles where tied on a stick and up in the air. There's a curve that touches my taint and under my balls. and he set it on. It's not as sensational as a finger probing in there, but it was very comfortable to the sudden jolts of a finger.

It's like a really intense vibrating massage. You know how when your phone vibrates close to your cock? It's that, only better.

While he probes and shifts the thing a bit to probe that spot a bit more, he sits on my face and I preceded to eat his ass. I was surprised to see a few spots. Like beauty marks near ones lips. I traced those spots and worked my tongue over at the bulls-eye.

"Feels different ya?" He asked, before he tongued the area where my hole meets the vibrator.

"Yeah." I lean my head back.

He lifted himself a little to sooner than I liked, then switched the black one to a standard vibrator that looks like a Kalashnikov bullet. Neon Pink with a black base.

He pushed it inside and it felt a little better. The vibrating sensations got a little intense and he jack me off.

I love it when Old Guard jacks me off. He's a man who knows a value of patience. He doesn't continuously go up and down like an amateur would. He stops at the head and twists it around a bit, and takes his time to go down there feeling you up with his other hand in the process. "Sensitizing the body", as he'd call it. I'd do the same thing the second time I saw Cowboy.

Cumming was intense. It starts of with a humming and then a short circuit of everything. A sensation that lasts a few seconds that can only be brought about by another hand and a few long long minutes. My whole body would make spasms, my eyes would grow wide (some odd contortion in between pain and pleasure) and I'd forget my name for a few seconds.



Logistics suggested that the best time to fuck would only happen if I didn't attend that class.

There were no objections so I went and did it. I apologized to the professor and I asked something about the coming exam and some points from the homework. I wish I could tell you that I let him fuck my face, but in due time.

I met Security in a mall halfway to his apartment and he drove the rest of the way. We talked about stuff and there was the sleight of hand to my thigh. I like it when that happens.

Security is the first person I've actively campaigned to Ace in having a threesome with. So they know about each other and sees no problems with regularly fucking me separately or all together. Security asked if Ace was jealous or something to that effect. I told him no, he's completely fine with it. He knows.

I finally got to see his apartment. Bare, spacious, and nondescript. White walls, cream carpets, and stucco white ceiling. There's a large screen TV, a large cream sofa, and a small shelf with a picture of him and his roommate/ex mid-drop from a roller-coaster with the frame that might have come from the same amusement park they went to.

On the way to the bedroom which they currently share 'cause of some repairs, is a large floor to ceiling painting divided into nine rectangles. A bird in mid flight. It seemed that the personality of the whole house was concentrated in this painting and nowhere else.

The bedroom was almost the same. Bed, TV, two art prints, on way to the bathroom (no door*), and then a TV. There's a box of 90s porn in the veranda.

On my suggestion, we showered together. We made out under the spray and soaped our bodies. touched each other until were hard.

We got dried and went to the bedroom. Since were almost the same size and his dick is about the same size as mine, he entered easily while I was on my back. It felt nice.

Security is a bit tame except for those moments of excitement (with my suggestions) and the enthusiasm that he brings in is contagious. So I was glad I suggested the pictures and veranda.

He took some pictures of him inside, halfway inside, and only head inside. The flash was on so you can see his cock glazed and glistening with juices and we sent them to Ace.

Then the veranda. Lined by concrete and that went up to our chests.

We walked past the sliding doors and I can see the whole view of the city from about thirty stories high. Later, I'd actually realize how clearly visible we are to people below. There were also neighboring apartment buildings, so it was really easy to spot naked men fucking.

We got a rhythm, great sunlight, and a view for a few minutes until it got really cold from the breeze and we went back to bed and end the day with him and me in various positions: on my back, side, with my ass hanging from the edge of the bed, and cumming inside. We were in the middle of the bed soiled with lube and/or whatever, and he fingered me while I stroked myself to climax.

It was great that he lasted that long. We were both spent.

I asked earlier if he should've put a towel or something.

He said, "Do you think I care?"

Is the lube machine washable? Was one of my thoughts.



Changes are happening and I feel fucking off. Before I go spiraling into the deep, I manage to catch myself and lift myself up into the light. I get a hold of my doubts and just throw caution to the wind. I have to say I'm doing well compared to me a few years back.



If you're my top at the moment, and you're looking into my eyes at the millisecond of penetration, you might say the same thing Atlas has said. He said that I have this combination of fear and want in my eyes. He likes it.

The initial pain always gets to me. Was it because of that experience or does it go deeper into childhood? The cause does not really matter, and I'm getting better at acceptance. (Pun intended.) Relaxing the body, especially the shoulders and the hole, as one enters is a conscious effort.

In most times with Old Guard, especially when I'm tied down, I close my eyes and it helps (it heightens the other senses). During my time with Ace, fucking mostly happens in the spooning position which also helps.


I never knew how to consciously get out from the deep.
Series of life events made me avoid a certain point en route to my house. A lady, I imagined from the volume of the flowers by the post, killed herself. Maybe it was just a car accident where a lady was involved.

I played the imagined scenario in my head. It scared me to feel the zero gravity.
I told Ace about the stuff.

All I can remember was a very long hug. I clung to the fabric of his t-shirt, and inhaled really deep.

The fuck was very soft. Very gentle.

The usual spooning position. He had his arm around my neck, the other crossing my chest. Rather than pressing on to my throat, the arm was just there. Solid.

I held on to his arm and kissed it.


We had coffee together and hang out by the beach. Almost sunset.

I told him that I was feeling insecure, lost, and not satisfied with there I am.

He recommended that I work on my goals.

Straddling the bench beside me, he put his left hand under my jeans in the front and the right hand on the other side.

As he played with the ring, prodding it, and rubbing my cock I tried not to make a sound.

I told him I want to give him a blowjob in the public restroom a few feet away. I didn't push so it didn't happen.


Recently, I texted him that the daddy he told me about wont be back from a business trip until several weeks or so.

Z: I'm writing daddy a note though. LOL
A: Nice
Z: Old Guard taught me patience.If it takes Month, I'm going to wait till Month for my Daddy. LOL.
A: Damn who r u and where's my boy?
Z: Your boy's grown up daddy. (But I'm still your boy. Lol)

Thank You. 




I was a year or so off from being a teenager. My first black dude and in-car blowjob and I was more nervous than I was excited.

I put up an ad (probably for just a blow-and-suck buddy), and we agreed to meet at a park parking lot.

I walked a little around the park, the night was settling in and it was as dark as it can be with post-work traffic and lampposts. It was probably so bright that I didn't notice the sky if there were any stars.

He parked at the least lit place, and moved to the spot under the lamppost.

I asked him this and he reasoned that there were people standing on the sides of the parked car right next to him, so he moved. Right under the lamppost.

It was reasonable.

There was no pre-blowjob antics; no kissing, petting, and nipple squeezing. In commando, his cock easily slipped out. Like some car ballet, we reclined at around the same time and I sucked him under the yellow beam of the lamppost.

It was thick and long enough to make me choke. He quietly came and, he stopped me from sucking him a bit more.

When he sucked me off, I was so anxious that I didn't let him finish me off. I was too anxious to sink into the blowjob. I jacked off at the end of it.

We wiped each other down with paper towels and that's it.

It felt like the whole thing was routine. Like nothing special happened, but I guess that's because there wasn't any built up or a connection. Another theory is that he can sense my inexperience. Whatever.

The one thing that made me laugh about my time with this guy, was that while I was at work I texted him if I could do it with his friends since he's busy. (We never met again.)

Yeah, that was really funny.


He an Asian guy around my age. He also knows the native tongue.

Any sex related talk in native language while you're having sex is fucking weird. It's not that I'm ashamed to use the language, but I use this language to speak with my mother and other important people in my life. The language prompts their images in my mind.

In addition to the language, Med Student comes off as a variant of me. A version of me with more pounds on him, longer hair and a smaller cock. When we both realized that were living with our families, he thought of it as a blight on his existence. I thought of it as a money-saving opportunity.

When he said << penis >>, it almost threw me off balance.

He came a lot, and I got up from his lap with both cheeks puffed up.

I swallowed some of it, which threw him in a frenzy. He demanded me to spit it outside and gargle some water.

There was no reciprocation, he just promised it. As a med student, he also reminded me to get tested.

A few days later, he wants to meet again and he seemed to like me more than I wanted him to.

I asked Ace for boy advice.

I decided not to meet him again.



I don't know where Marco went, but this guy I met in a cruising spot sucks great cock. I enjoy the sensations of a mouth over my cock and sound of the waves. I bought a large towel, so were both comfortable. Well, me at least, Aviators was all down there doing suction work.

I met Marco in an app, the pictures shows a man laying on the bed nape to knees, with the ass covered like one would go back and forth with a marker. Our conversation ended up with me meeting him in one of the cruising spots because he was unable to host.

I never said anything about the beach, but.. He typed.

He then describes the place and how to get there. I had difficulty with the instructions and it's all radio silence on his side. It took a little while to find it and I was getting flustered. By about half an hour, I thought he flaked, so I just went about the place like a tourist. Doing a walk and taking random pictures.

Then, i saw a kind of clearing that perfectly describes what Marco was talking about. I went in, not knowing what to expect. This place looks so shady. Is this going to be my last day on earth? Will I accidentally trip and gash my head? Will my dick be cut off rendering me a bottom forever?

No. I saw a mature gentleman with aviator sunglasses, a decent shirt, and in boxers. Was he here cruising? He nodded at me and I went closer, my heart thumping I touched his cock like it was an accident (there really is no right way to do it accidentally). My first cruising experience in plein air is turning out to be good after all, now if we can find some voyeurs...

We got into a clearing and he rolled up his magazine and stuck it on a rock. He then removed his aviators, and he looks like some mature Indian guy. Like those father figure types at Bollywood movies. Then, he laid down this thin hand towel as padding. A flimsy, very thin, terry cloth you get as a souvenir from some event.

"I bought a towel." I took it out of my back pack.

We sat side by side and he took out his poppers and whiffed. I unbuckled my belt, opened my fly and he dove in. He repositioned himself lying in front of me to have more access to my cock. The surface of the area is uneven and there was a threat of sliding down with him. He puts his hand on my lower back and I massaged his scalp. I relaxed to the blowjob and the sound of the ocean. It's easier because he really does it good.

He looked up at me. "You wanna try reaming?"

What? Did I tell you to stop? "What? What's that?"

"My ass." Oh rimming.

I got up and he did all fours. His hole was interesting. Surrounded by a somewhat hairless ass, his hole looked like it had a labia. His dark skin bunched around the hole all puffy and when I put my finger inside it, it wasn't really tight. Diving in was real easy with spit.

I'm still relatively new to the craft, so I made good time with my rimming, going in there with my beard, fingers and back to my tongue. I cant tell if I'm having anything on him, no dramatic moaning or anything, not even an erection. But then we're in public, so it's understandable.

It was a few minutes till we moved to the 69 position. he put himself on top of me, and I went to work on his cock. The hairy creature is still unresponsive; and he's got really nice hairy balls. I sucked for a little while till he had to take the cock out of my mouth and shove his ass back to my face. So I just rimmed.

Aviators was a real expert cocksucker. This slow steady rhythm with those lips pressing on the inches and the attention on the head.

Especially that little bump between where the head meets the shaft.

Wish I lasted longer, but I didn't. It was a violent explosion, and he took it all in his mouth. I shoved my tongue and face further into his ass gripping skin for dear life. The vibrations of my grunt, more of a roar, went through my tongue and into his ass.

Man that was great.

He told me that he was waiting for me for quite a while. By then I realized that Aviators was Marco Polo. I apologized for being an hour late. And we talked for a few minutes or so; he told me that I had a "talented tongue " and that I was "decent" looking. I said thanks.

He drove me back and I can still smell him on my face.


Challenge Accepted

As of posting, I'm in the middle of being chaste till I meet with Old Guard. This would be the longest period of not jacking off; a week and a few days. This would be easier if there was a chastity device preventing me to even touch my cock (I leak a lot), but when you're not jacking off for someone it's a little easier. In addition, there are also tons of distractions from jacking off like work, projects, friends, and family. (Except the fucking dog whose licking all over the fucking place.)

After seeing Old Guard, I have at least a day and a half to jack off like a gym rat on a cheat day. One porn after another (I try to cum after the seven minute mark) in a quiet space where I can't be disturbed, licking my fingers of the evidence. When we schedule the next meeting, I tell him that I wont be jacking off until then. Fucking genius.

Reminding myself of this predicament, I remember jacking off in the school bus; I was the last kid to get out and all I need to do was to open the fly of my school uniform shorts (sexy amirite?), and later on slacks pants, and rub my cock through my white briefs until I explode. It was easy, all I need to do was look normal from the chest up and leave the cum on my briefs till I go home.

I can lie about being chaste and since I can do multiple orgasms alone (Seven within approx 24 hours) and with someone (Old Guard: four, two of which are dry, within approx 32 hours), I need to make sure not to jack off 5-6hours before I get to his place. But like any overachieving asshole, I'm into games and challenges. Also, I actually believe in the value and integrity of my word, and when I say, "I will not cum," I will not fucking cum. I don't know why I make it harder on myself.

Exhibit A: On one of our first tries for a missionary position, Ace's 7" would really hurt me. Sometimes, I make his job harder by not telling him and taking it like a trooper. He'd notice though and we'd go back to spooning.

"I was just seeing if I can go further," I reasoned as we cuddled.

"uhuh," he replied. His cock still inside me.

Exhibit B: I borrow a dozen library books all at once. I also try to read two at a time.

Exhibit C: I actually fainted during a workout. (2)

This adventurous spirit probably came from a past so restrained in all material and non-material ways (most where my fault), that one day I just said, "fuck it, let's let loose."

However, in some twisted paradox, I come to love the restraint Old Guard provides.

At one time, we started to drift off to sleep and it's the most comfy and horny state I've been in. My wrists and ankles are cuffed together with soft black leather, and he's spooning behind me, hands all over my body. My shallow breaths and mewls were interrupted by an occasional smack on my ass or stomach. He told me I was hard all night.

Maybe this "kink", as Old Guard would say, comes from my love of the bear necessities. The appreciation I have to the limits I learned to appreciate, respect and, at the same time, push against.

Or maybe I'm just a pig with untapped potential?


Movie 5

I think it has been a month or two since Movie 4. The gap is usual because we've developed this unwritten rule about movies; there needs to be a movie for a meeting to occur. Though there were meetings in between, but they were very rare and it usually involves his hands down my pants. (He's more of a sausage person than a nut guy. He didn't like me stroking his nuts.)

Merman knows about my thing with "my regular" [Ace] and I felt really sad about it. I learned a lot from it, I told him. Everything's a lesson dear, he texted back.

He was surprised that I lost more weight and got tanner. Running and sunshine will do that to you.

It wasn't peak time in the theater and fifteen minutes till the movie, so we made out a few feet from the double doors. I noticed he's a little more aggressive since the last time. He kneads my ass and I'm glad I do my squats.

"Oh, someone's watching us," he said pointing to the projector.

"What?" I looked up and he laughed. Nobody.

We sat down and talked while waiting for the movie. We also made out and stroked each other through fabrics.

"How do they make money?" He asks, as he strokes my arm.

"I don't know, they make it up later probably." I was stroking him back.

It seemed that we have the whole theater to ourselves. As the lights dim, we made out some more and I unbuckle my belt and opened my fly. Then he touches my cock trough my sports boxer briefs.

Then he opened his shorts and his cock was out. He's commando that day. I learned not to expect full blown sex from Merman, but this surprised me. Never thought that being "comfortable" with me meant like this.

Then a couple came in. Man and woman, the seated themselves in the middle of the theater, several rows in front of us. Yeah, it's still on.

Believe it or not we still watched the movie despite being 1/16th undressed, and at one point I actually took my shirt off. He made kisses at my shoulder as I kissed his knee and worked my way to his cock.

I took a dive and licked the head.

He hissed out a fuck.
I wish I gave him a blowjob, but I came here for the movie too.

We were the last one to get out of the theater, when the lights went back on. We made out some more, and those large just wont leave my ass.

He drove me a few blocks from the gym, on the way to his swim. It was traffic on the way, and we talked about guys I met on the internet and apps, life, and work. I wished the traffic was slower.

I told him that I promised myself that I wouldn't cum anymore unless I'm with another guy*.

Being in that theater and being stroked through my jeans when the chances of people seeing us are high... well through the whole trip, I think two guys saw me being fondled in two different occasions.

"Oh, god you're gonna drive me wild. Fuck no." The sound of my voice didn't make it very convincing.

At the drop off point, we pecked.

"So goddamn soft," I said.

"Oh, you."

I stepped out with my bag and gym bag, "See you later. Thank You!"

*I broke the promise, but I do make a regular effort not to masturbate much.




One time my ass got really sore, probably from an enema gone wrong.

We were lying side by side and jacking each other off. I came and he came.

Then he went down on me and took all the cum, I reciprocated. Cumming in one's mouth is much better then licking someone's cum off.

Then we made out.


One time Roommate was on vacation, Ace invited me to stay over. (#FUCKYEAH!)

I arrived with the last bus, and he was dozing off. It took a few calls for the front apartment door to open.

He was moving an old sofa out. When I came in, the same sofa I sat on the first meeting was the first thing I saw. With it's feet against the wall, I still have to tip toe around it to avoid stepping on the back rest. I was wearing socks, so it's okay.

We sat on the sofa while I watched Family Guy and owned his tablet to read some comics. V for Vendetta (better in print) and Before Watchmen (better in digital).

"I don't think so!" Ace replied to Peter.

I laughed while I leaned on him while I flicked through the comics. I felt peaceful and serene.

I also felt I was procrastinating on reviewing for my Calculus 2 Finals.

When I finally ceded to sleep, we went to the bedroom and I got ready. We slept naked, and fucked me a few good minuted before officially sleeping. I wanted him to cum, but he didn't. So, I didn't.

He warned me of his snoring. I didn't care, he's right next to me.

I read a few more pages, the bright light bleeding to my side of the bed. I finally fell asleep. It's a different bed so, "you move too much," he said. It was more of an observation than an accusation really. 

he has his back to me and I leaned my forehead against him.

I woke up from the sounds in the bathroom.

I spent most of the early mornings doing my Calculus (and procrastinating with the tablet) review in my boxer briefs while he did some house stuff. Like everyone else, they have clutter problem, and he was fixing his side of the mess.

He recommended that I take a break from studying. He recommended by taking my head that I use in calculus and making out with it and taking my other head that doesn't need that much attention while doing calculus while making a side trip on my nipples. I was easily persuaded.

He bred me, calming me down.

He told me to leave around afternoon, as the roommate would be back from his vacation, and that everything in the fridge is up for breakfast.

I plundered the kitchen and made myself spinach omelet with a side of spam. Unfortunately, there was no rice so I went with wheat bread. I also took one of those carbonated flavored water. I should've ate more.


Self Limits

Night. I have my usual jacket-shirt-jeans garb on which is enough to ward off the freezing night winds. I was in the app waiting to get invited in.

I was waiting to be invited to this chub's place for some fucking and I was also chatting it up with nice looking Guy, a Pacific Islander who I think is handsome. I called Chub in the phone number he gave to me for an interview. Turns out, Guy is in the same apartment as Chub is; foursome in the making.

Talking with Chub was really interesting. In the app there was this occasional "bro" every sentence, but when it got to the phone call, the syntax was completely different. It didn't help that the voice in my imagination was totally different from the voice I'm hearing at the other end. It was way higher than I expected. Very high.

I was walking around the block, wrapping myself with my jacket with one hand while holding the phone with the other. I understand now that as host, Chub needs to practically know a lot more about me than physical appearance. Harmony between people (four in this case) is more than just good looks.

"The last bus goes out at around 1AM."

"Oh, that's gonna be rushed. When do you start work?"

"I start work at six..."

"Oh, you can't come in at three? four? five?"

"That's usually a time I set for my personal self."

Apart from time and space, there was another problem.

"... I don't even know if your a top---" His "significant other" is a top and Guy is a vers.

"Oh, I'm a bottom," I said (a little too automatically for my taste).

"Oh, we need a top ---"

Whatever was said here was blocked in my head, there was also this cold pit in my stomach. This is a week or so back from a long hiatus from the apps/internet, finding my old habits of dealing with rejection. The thing with Ace still stung.

Yes, I felt dejected and totally unworthy of sexual attraction. Yes, I took that very personally and got fucking sad.

He was apologizing, and I was rushing him with "okay" and "It's fine" because my manners were running thin.

I went home. Indignant.

I got pinged at the app once again. It was JD and Husky.

Husky was located somewhere between a bus transfer, in a neighborhood that's really dark. It's also sketchy because I got mugged a few times. Walking at night to Husky's place is a nightmare to my irrational mind.

From the bus stop to his place is about fifteen to twenty minutes, not to mention that it's an uphill walk. I calculated that there's an hour to get there, fuck or whatever, and get out. Running downhill is easier so there's a five minute margin.

I went to find the place. It took a while of dodging cars and running to the next puddle of light to finally get there. A car and an occasional person on a bike would make my heart jump. It also doesn't help that his place was near a park with no lights (it also doesn't help that most of my clothes are dark). My imagination is on double time and the images I came with did not induce any boners in my case.

I finally figured out the place, and he met me at the entrance of the complex. His makeshift bed, a blanket and futon, was right next to the front door while light from a room bleeds in. He warns me to be quiet.

Husky asked me in the app a week before if I was okay with him being "husky". I told him its okay, I consider myself "husky" too. He's about my height and twenty to thirty pounds heavier than me.

Aside from the bed, there's one large wicker chair and a flat screen TV in the living room. We kissed in the semi-dark, if he was trying to suck my face the way his lips moved over mine would've been perfect. I really didn't want to kneel and initiate a blowjob first, but I did. The carpeted floor made my descent a little comfortable.

His cock was easy to slide in my mouth. Fueled with indignation and just plain horny, I bobbed up and down as expertly as I could. We tussled a few, until the only article of clothing left between us was his Green Lantern t-shirt flipped over his head exposing his smooth and large belly. Husky actually tried to pry my head off his dick three times because he was close to cumming. Then he'd guide my face to his so we'd kiss in breaks.


Sucking Faces 2

I don't think much about kissing. I just go and plaster my face to the person willing to lock lips with me since I honestly thought that kissing was a natural and innate human thing. But I guess it's just more about feeling.

My first kissing experience was around five or six, when RJ, probably younger than me, and I made out with no tongue behind the parked cars on the apartment lot. That afternoon was unreasonably bright as I peeked out and saw his lashes. On the other side of the van was the rest of our friends playing. I also made out with his brother RB.

At one time, I was at the bottom of what seemed like a three story necking game where RB was kissing RJ's neck from his back and RJ was kissing my neck, and this was all happening when our parents where inches from the other side of the sofa. It was really funny, it reminded me of those janitor fishes rather than anything sexual.

Recently, mom told me that RJ was "like me", because at one point he was wearing a dress or something like that, I didn't ask about it. I have no idea what that news meant or why she told me that, but a look at his profile while writing this would say that he's living well in the Homeland, devoutly Roman Catholic and likes David Pomeranz. The D-man got some serious ballads man.

Ace is aggressive. Like a SWAT team, he rams his lips into mine and we'd just tongue fence opening each other up like it's our last breath. I'd cling to him for dear life. In the later years, we'd gone a bit more aggressive than the last. After making out behind the front door, he'd attack my neck and my collar bone. Automatically like some machine, my knees would buckle and I've completely surrendered. I'd claw his back as if it was a legitimate attempt to right myself up, and he'd hear my shallow breaths and moans. He told me that apart from the sounds I make, he likes the goosebumps that appear on my arms and shoulders.That time when he had a three day stubble; it felt great.

Merman takes his time and I'm very okay with that (sometimes). He doesn't fully open to the kisses sometimes; our lips would massage each other and I'd lick at his lips to ask for an entry. He doesn't always open, and if he does he withdraws again. He's very very very soft. Like Merman himself, Merman's kisses would give privilege to the lips he's most comfortable with. Some might get impatient with him, but as long as he's happy, I'm happy.

Security is wet and dirty (in a good way). As he takes me on his lips, he drags on leaving my lips glossed with his spit. There was spit everywhere. Learning as I was, I did the same.

One of the kisses that boggles me would probably belong with Atlas. if we ever meet again, he might not even remember I dubbed him Atlas. He doesn't know my name either so I called myself Ganymede. I'll change it to Patroclus in case. How about Hercules? I can feel eye rolls coming at me.

Either because we rarely kissed or his kisses were so.... minimal that It matched his apartment. Minimal in a sense of "now you see it, now you don't", It was so quick and clean I'm tempted to call it a peck (for lack of tongue). There's such a fleeting quality to it; I know it happened, but did it?

Probably because there was no (strong) emotional fervor in that kiss; he was looking for some fun thing to do and I just happened to be in the vicinity. Glad I was there.



I tried to recall things in order. Nope.


It took us about four meetings to finally say each others names.

Sometimes, I'd get really tense when he enters. I'm still trying to get used to fucking.

He'd stop. "Zen," he'd say, his tone was serious.

"I'm fine." Sometimes I really needed that space, but most times I just wish he's stop asking these things.

Though, sometimes it takes real effort to relax. But I'd be meeting his thrusts a few minutes later.


"It's not that I'm paying you for sex," he says as he hands me a 20. Apparently, my complaints for being broke earlier were heard and Ace thought that giving me money was a solution. It has it's benefits and drawbacks.

I took it reluctantly because I'm not interested in getting paid for sex (with him at least).

He assures me he can afford it. This is trait of his is the one I aspire to emulate the most.

At one point, I didn't cum because I was too hungry. I didn't eat anything last night and I hadn't had breakfast because I need to be clean down there (I was still learning on how to be a good bottom). He can only host in the mornings. (When I asked him for enema advice, he doesn't have anything to offer.)

We have our clothes on, I was on top of him and his finger assaulted my hole. Second knuckle deep I was moaning and salivating and kissing him. We were staring at each others eyes and I made sure he knows by the sounds that I make, my kisses, and the way I look at him that I was enjoying being fucked by just a finger. His cum was the lube.

He stopped. "Get off the bed before I rape you."

Fully resigned, I buried my face in the angle of his neck and just grumbled. I was tempted to disobey, but I was really hungry.

He took me to his regular restaurant (he doesn't cook that much), and we ate breakfast. I took a picture of my food like some hipster fucker and he made snide comments on how fat that other person is ordering a second meal, I shushed him and told him to mind his own business. I thanked him for the meal after as he drove me to one of the usual spots.


Sometimes, when he's inside me, he flexes his cock.

A moan was my usual reaction and a snigger behind my ear was the reply.

One time, I was on my back and my legs were up. He was assaulting my hole with his fingers until it got really painful. But I really loved the way he pressed that spot repeatedly.


While fucking me in the spooning position, the perfect position for us, he'd reach around and rub my precum with his thumb and make me lick it.

After a few dozens of this ritual. He just needs to raise his thumb to my face and all I'll meet it halfway. I made sure I lick it and suck it dry.

I love it when were facing each other. Like a dad feeding his boy.


I told him about this guy who was a bit more than horny for me.

Can I ask you for some guy advice?

Of course!


Sucking Faces

One night at work, I was deep in thought about the topic of sucking faces. Hours before, after Movie 6, Merman asked me if Old Guard was a good kisser. I'd like to think I'm a good kisser as JD said, but I never really got validation to the men I'd really love to suck faces with.

Z: I need to ask. Was I a good kisser?
Ace: I had no complaints! And I love to kiss!
Z: You're so fucking sweet man. Thanks! Lol.
A: Why someone making u question urself??? [He turns into such a dad sometimes..]
A: Always remember we all have our own reality!
Z: I was just curious. I do believe that theres no bad kisser or good kisser. It's just that your way of kissing doesn't match their way of kissing. Remember that wheezing guy? He just stuck his tongue out...
Z: And someone asked me, "is he a good kisser?" And I thought about it. I like his kisses, is that enough?
A: It's all in the moment!
Z: Of the kiss?
A: Yup
Z: I see.

Z: I need to ask. Am I a good kisser?
Merman: Yes you are why?
Z: Just curious.
Z: I realized recently that there are no good kissers and bad kissers. It's just that sometimes, their kissing doesn't match with your kissing.... or is there really a right way?
M: I think your analysis of kissing is spot on
M: Except of course when that kisser happens to be a smoker yuck
Z: .... yeah, there was a tobacco chewing dude. But from the taste, he seemed to have chewed on a handful of mint. Lol, sweet but ineffective.



The first meeting was way back, months after that horrible experience. By some miracle, I still want to fuck and I have faith that I'll have a good fuck. I'm glad I'm an optimist.

I met Ace in an app few minutes before my shift ended. I think I initiated the conversation, after a poke from him. We agreed to meet a few days from then. I remember telling him, for some unknown reasons why... probably instincts, of my awful experience with butt fucking. He reassured me I'll be fine.


I figured out which buses to take (a route I've memorized), and I passed by a house that's being built while doing uphill to his apartment building. Over the years, that skeleton would be a full fledged beautiful house with a large parking space.

I made it to the street of the building and we met outside, he looks like a regular 50 year old white guy (we're thirty years apart to the dot). Nothing spectacular or anything. He lead me inside and we talked a little, about the bus ride. I was in combination nervous, anxious, and downright scared. Later on, I'd recognize the cocktail of feelings I wrestled with as a "who-do-you-think-you-are-having-sex?". A combination of surprise and shame that questions the fact that I, of all people, can have sex and be sexy?!

I drank a glass of water, and after 15 seconds in the sofa we got to the bedroom ("Should we move to the bedroom?"). He was really gentle at maneuvering me to his bed (that he shares with his ex/roommate) and I needed it at that time. I got too eager though.

He stopped me in my kiss and said something like, "It's okay, slow down. No need to rush." Right after that something in me clicked and I calmed down so he could take the lead.

One of the things I enjoyed doing with him, was that he'll straddle me and close my legs together. Then he'll lift my balls and put a large wad of spit in the crevice. Then he'll fuck my taint. It feels amazing in between there, and I'll meet his thrusts. Sometimes, he'd hit it so right, I'd shudder.

I have no idea how long we fucked, but it was a great experience. I remember doing it doggy style and my hands were gripping the headboard. I remember it as a sort of validation that sex feels awesome; that sex is good. Later I realized that it was better because there was trust and mutual love and respect involved. At that moment, I was just meeting his thrusts.

We went to spooning. "Can I cum inside?" He was thrusting in and out of me, and I'm in some kind of pleasurable space.

"Yeah." A whisper enough for him to hear. I was unsure of this answer, but I'd say the same thing if I came back in time.

This was my first official bareback fucking experience (that got completed). The pleasure was intense as his cum expanded in my innards. Oh man, I can still feel ghosts  of it when i recall it.

After I came from jacking off, I froze from pleasure. The ceiling has a soft glow, my hand suspended in mid air, cum dripping off. I didn't think of anything other than the moment. He wipes me off and offers the shower, he has some nice sea saltwater soap. I love that scent because it's his too.

After cleanup, we talked for a little while. It'll take months to really be at ease with him, but I'd say we hit it great initially. The first strings of conversation involves a hint from him, that basically frames our relationship from then on (a complaint about overzealous sexual partners who cant distinguish between sex and a relationship proposal). Fuck Buddies. Nothing bad in that; "yeah, you're right," I agreed.

Then he'd talk about realizing his past life.

I was more materialistic back then, scrunched up my face.

He laughed at my response.

I laughed too.

I wish he was my first of firsts.

But I'm just very glad that we met.


Horse Training

After the thing with Ace, I got anxious from the fact that there's nothing constant anymore. I forgot that things always change and better things are always on their way.

Old Guard and I met through a fetish website, and moved to e-mails and then in person. I have little to no knowledge nor experience within bdsm, I just look at artists.

The first meeting was just the general talk. Though, we could've just gotten naked in his bedroom, but it was nice building rapport.We talked about general stuff, how he preferred men ("I can't go back .... I used to have girlfriends"), how long he had been a dom ("... many, many, many years")

He's in his 60s, Asian, and close to retiring. He's got a conservative upbringing and has never been touched as a child, so he likes body contact. He seems like a well balanced individual who owns his house outright (paid the mortgage early), and drives the 11-1 style. When I saw him stop his car in front of me to pick me up, I just went... really?

He thinks the current people in "kink" are all just showy and forgets the "mental side". He also thinks the same for the MMA fighters, no core strength and just upper bodies.
Z (e-mail): I remember when my fuck buddy [Ace] and I use to play rough. I'd get frustrated and fight back. It's like a conflict in my head: "I must follow [the] instruction,  but fuck you I do my way." I trust him, but as he said himself,  I have "trouble with control." Hence "rowdy" [from my profile].

O: ok so u are an aggressive sub?  u do not like someone to take control of you?  did ur ex tie you then play with u? or just rough anal play?

Z: Yeah.  Love being aggressive. I'm not trying to prove anything or test him, I just love the thrill of the fight. Like a prey who got hunted. Though,  i might great of winning and I'll get confused. Do you know any marital arts by any chance?  I only got kickboxing for a year. [I'm a beginner at best.]
His job, as dominant, would me to make me very comfortable as a sub and make me go in as a repeat customer. Like what he did with a six-foot white guy, "he shook all over," after his orgasm. I know he's telling the truth, there's no reason to lie in these things. A retiree experienced in the arts of carnal pleasures teaching a kid the way around the ropes, there's no reason to lie.

He's also funny. He can't do texting. Got a fucking land-line. So he uses his desktop computer.... think the 90s kine; a tower CPU with a floppy drive and a disk drive. Drives me the fuck insane. He also has a VHS in his room.... and a VHS tape on top of the TV.

After that, we get to meet next week. He picked me up at the same place. I haven't memorized it yet and we went to his gated community. A compact gathering of duplexes accented with shrubbery and gravel pathways. I was unsure of what will happen next, so I tried to feel up what's next the night before at work.
Z: This is a weird question...
Z: Probably not. But do I need to clean my ass? Lol
O: hmm, thought u wanted to go slow
Not really, I thought HE wanted to go slow.
O: hahaha, hey, if u feel comfortable, I would like to cuddle to start
Z: That'd be nice.
O: Also in time, I have enema in shower.
Z: You do?! Oh my god. That is so convenient. jesus!
O: cool, want u to feel u want to be here.
Z: And you got that covered.
O: Yes, hey, got into kink remember? have a lot of "things" which in time will surprise u
O: In time, open to try things when u feel ready with me
Z: my mind is racing...

O: I want to make ur orgasm as intense as u ever had

Z: Im getting a boner.
Z: That's all I could say at the moment.
O: good, want that even if u working
We ended up cuddling in the master bedroom, with the AC on. Got a nice view from the window above our heads, the light coming through is lovely, probably from the tints. I caught up on sleep.

From being fully clothed to fully naked was a very slow process. He was being extremely patient and I was just a little apprehensive. It's not drastically different from regular sex, it's just that I wasn't able to touch my penis more.

We both felt our hard-ons through our jeans. I think what happened first was him kissing my neck and running his hands on my sides.

That drove me into little spasms, my breath became hicks, and i wrapped my arms tighter around his neck, holding on.


"hmmm" is all I could say.

He straddles me and lifts my shirt up. Traces his stubble and his tongue around my torso and when he puts his mouth on my nipples it was amazing. It's not as rough as Ace does it, and the best way to describe it was a vibration.

I want to know how he does it. I never got to ask. Does he suckle on it? I can still remember ghosts of it.

Then he flipped me over and ran his face, tongue, and hands on my back. I can't stop shaking from the microns of sensations from his stubble, the light kisses, and the soft touches of his tongue and lips. Too much.

He turned me around and laid on my left and took my shirt off. His right snaking behind me and gripped my right wrist. His legs locked around on my legs. Akin to Jujitsu, he's got me pinned.

He'd then whispered things in my ear. And with my eyes closed, I imagined them. My breath was deep and heavy, and as he ghost his hand over my torso, I'd shake and arch my back.



Ace:  Slut
Z: You knew that the moment you laid eyes on me. LOL
A: HaHa

Week After.

Z: Guy #2 is an ex-military. Fucking hot and quite an inspiring guy.
Z: It might not look like it, bit it really is a productive day today. LOL
A: Nice.
Z: I made a mistake of making him cum outside. Dude. He's as big as you. AND HIS ASS WAS DELICIOUS.
Z: Then I wrote some e-mails did some some work and read a magazine. I can't believe it man, I'm a really lucky guy.
A: Damn wish I was playing maybe we could do a three way
Z: It was a real quick one. Fucking rough. God I love it.
Z: Skinny type of guy. Looks like that actor.
Z: Heeeey. Aren't you supposed to be a good boy? [Ace is dating someone]
A: Hmmmmm, Could be fun!!
Z: Lol. The mister might not be that strict. lol
A: Hmmmm
Z: Hmmmmmmm [fuck, I hate the "hmmmm" the fuck does that mean?]
Z: My fear of staying after hours in the shop. Because that seems to be the only place, is that I'll miss the last bus. But thats just 6 hours of reading and napping at the bus stop [for the next bus]. Lol. Whatever. There are other cocks.
A: The adventurer!

Later that night.

Z (from my phone): That day seems best.
Old Guard (his desktop computer): ok, you plan to be here 8am? also, sleep here then when rested want to learn more sub play? how long do you want to stay?
Z: As long as you can. Last bus at 12 I believe. I'll double check. I was wondering if we can use the fleshlight if thats ok.
O: Sure, guess u never used one.
Z: Nope
Z: Also, teach me that tie thing. Lol.
O: different feel, u will find out esp if u are tied
O: on ur cock/balls?
O: u liked it huh?
Z: I did. It was so interesting I wanna take pictures.
O: sure.
Z: I think I'm not ready for a blindfold yet. I dunno why, I think its because I like my vision so much.
O: confirm the day before if that day is definite, hope u are not working too hard
Z: Nope. I learned to take the right amount. Also vitamins and sleep.
O: sure, perhaps later, blindfolds creates more of a mental aspect in bondage, the mind works alot if cant see
Z; That;s the thing. The mind gets to more thinking. You just shut one of the avenues.
O: yes but that is the idea. e.g. bondage ur feeling now is transferred to ur skin on ur body, u will become very sensitive even areas not before
Z: I trained my mine to be more quiet. Then this?
O: well see how u enjoy bondage, then see how things evolve
Z: Yup.
O: to me that's when bdsm play is all about, experimentation and potential expansion of pleasures and growth
Z: how many subs did you go through so far?
O: actually not many as u think, people talk of it more than willing to try it. it tends to be more fantasy than reality to most.
Z: Would it be called different if lets say drawing blood was involved?
O: actually no, blood is in the realm of bdsm, just a vast majority don't do it. e.g. breath control, etc. there are areas very few venture into
Z: Ok. Hows your end doing?
O: am doing ok, nothing much, also, seems u have not participated into a lot of "kink" play?
Z: rough fucks seems to be the closets ever. Its so funny I had sex twice yesterday and I really like the shorter and rougher second one. I didn't even cum.
Z: turns out I really really like rimming
Z: *love
O: rough makes u feel more like an "it" versus a person? for u?
Z: It's not really being objectified. the second one made me feel a little like masturbatory material rather than a sex partner.
Z: so being used wasn't that fun.
Z: what I really liked and had fun with the guy was the blase-ness of it and the intense sensations.
O: ah ok, we'll see. I like feedback from u what turns u on or not. I tend to develop methods to excite
Z: there was no pretense. We just drove right in it. Then we talked about shit and whatever after.
Z: I'll tell you more about it. It's still fresh in my head.
O: ok, seems u are being experiential with different guys.
Z: I guess so.
O: ok, going to bed, catch you later
Z: yep
O: have ur wrists been tied to ur ankles to expose ur ass for fucking
Z: nope.

Before I could ask why did he ask, I was cut off by his reply.

O: ok
O: anyways chat more, gonna go offline, take care
Z: K

Son of a bitch. The next day.

O: need to cancel tomorrow meeting, wont be able to host.
Z: okay. That put a damper in me.

Then silence, I didn't bother. I have a feeling that was intentional.


Movie 4: Honor

The movie was as colorful and as gay as the movies before. But me in Merman's bed, naked and stroking myself to climax is the best thing of this day.

I was going to do three things on that day, including a movie with Merman. As a guy who takes the bus, that would be a lot challenging. Though, I pride myself on being calculating.

Through some mishaps, Merman didn't see the haircut I planned on myself because of some things that got in the way.

We watched the movie in the usual fashion: leaning on each other and touching each other. Though our arms are closer to each others cock. We can't have erections at the moment, we're watching the movie.

When we finally finished, I told him at one point that my barber is in a strip mall, I may not make it in time, and my phone is close to dying. Then lo and behold, he needs to go there as well for a swim, but he needs to stop at his apartment for some things.

The drive was slow because of traffic. We spent time looking at guys walking on the street checking them out.

He said something like, "you'd like to do him would you?" Nicely dressed guy walking on the street. Yes.


At one turn, he leaned over and I leaned to him instinctively. We made out for a few seconds.

"Stop!" I slapped his lap, "you're driving!"


We laughed.

I got in the small studio type apartment. It's adorable, the size was clearly meant for the Asian majority. However, being a colossus, his furniture is big sized.  He's also a bachelor.. it's messy.

"Oh god man. The dishes. I should help you clean up." I look at the sink, I imagined being a naked housekeeper.

"No judging." Cute.

I shut up. The day after, I told him that's it's okay. He said he's not really comfortable bringing anyone in. I guess that's my last visit. I did offer myself to help in cleaning. I should've said the naked part.

With my phone charging right next to the sink full of dishes, he took some of his stuff to a backpack and set them aside.

"My back hurts," he flops on to his bed.

From the kitchen area of his studio apartment, I walked over to him. I told him about my (non-erotic straight guy) massage therapist friend and how I learned some stuff from him.

I love massaging the shoulders, the blades, and tracing the spine. Also, kneading the lower back.

I'll be honest, I'm not expecting anything from this day. I didn't do an enema, I have deodorant on my pits, and I was dressed for a date. Undershirt and everything.

"Ah shit, my right [ass] cheek died!" Really, it did.

"Then lay here," he said tapping next to him.

I was on my back, he was on his stomach. We laid there for a little while. Then looked at each other. Felt like an eternity. I get to see his deep blue eyes before we kissed.

Bit by bit, my clothes had come off while we were making out. I asked if he'd take off his clothes, he said no. Compared to all the kisses, this one got a bit on the rough side.

He likes my lips he said.

He'd also like to rim me, but unfortunately I wasn't in fucking condition at that time. I wish he offered to use his bathroom.

As we try to do it like last time. I was jacking off with the same anxieties I was wrestling with. I closed my eyes and ignored them; I like this man enough to give him what he wants.

I came. Then a shiver went down my spine, meaning someone took some of my cum on my cock head and jacked off with it.

No time for trying to figure out who did it, I went into his mouth and made out with him some more.

He sucks a bit more and bites a bit harder when he cums. The sound that he makes is beautiful.

I didn't get to see it, my attention went down his neck.

I leaned to his crotch wanting to lap on his cum and mine.

"Eww, don't!" He stopped me.

"Ehh. I wanna."

"Okay, a little."He placed a drop on my lower lip. I try to be sexy in licking. I don't know if I succeeded. Whatever.

After that we had to clean up. I have a haircut and he has a swim.

I was looking for something to wipe the cum with, when he handed something familiar from his hamper.

It was a brown striped towel. A terry cloth towel I accidentally left in his car.

"It's my cum rag." He said. I don't think he's joking.

"Well.. I'm..." Imagining him rubbing himself, smelling me on it. It's such a turn on.... and it's so sweet.


"Yeah." The word I preferred was honored.



Boy: Nice body bro how's ya day going
Zen: Thanks. You look good too. Been going good. You?
B: It's alright lol bored haha
Z: Lol
B: What u up to bro?
Z: Getting ready for a long day.
B: Dam u going to work?
Z: Errands. Work Out. Work.
B: Nice I just started at [gym]
Z: Cool. Whats the goal?
B: Drop weight n tone up
Z: Get more definite (time? weight?) Then keep a food journal. You'll be ok.
B: Thanks bro any advice is good advice cuz small kine lost wen come to dis stuff but yea thanks
Z: Last thing is mental side. Good luck. You deserve great things. Also, Technique. Then speed. Then power.
B: I have to develop a routine right now just focusing on cardio n small like weights maybe one day if can you could help me out
Z: Lol. You'll be fine on your own. Maybe we'll meet one day. Who the fuck knows? Focus on yourself is important.
B: Lol ugh ok thanks lol

Boy reminded me of myself before I moved here. I'm just glad I'm lighter and more mobile. Yeah, he's on the fat side.



We met from my post in the internet. When I look back at it, I was a desperate immature git; it's a relief that I actually improved. I was green, stupid, and horny late teenager. He was around twice my age.

We met at a park in his part of the state. I was tired from lack of sleep and too warm from my jacket.

He drove me to his house. Roughly an hour.

Being a little more prudish back then, I balked when his hand went over to my crotch. Well, he was driving through a crowded street.

He owns a large lot with a small house and a vegetable garden.

We went inside. Foreplay wasn't that much. He smoked weed and I sucked his cock.

I had no knowledge of anatomy whatsoever and I have an awful thing about learning things the hard way.

I insisted that he wear a condom and fuck me on my back.

Years later, I would've told this youngster that unless the person has a disproportionately small penis, fucking on his back is a little painful unless there's A LOT of lube in there and a lot of stretching involved. Also, lots of foreplay.

Good news was, I didn't end up being fucked on my back. It was on my stomach.

Bad news: no lube.

It was one of the most painful sexual experiences ever. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

I didn't have enough mental and physical strength to actually get this man off me, so I fucking took it. The pain and all.

It felt like hours.

But as you can see, I'm alive and better.

When it was done, he took out the condom and I got a shower. Got dressed. He gave me some stuff from his vegetable garden, and I got to the furthest bus stop as he can take me. He told me how expensive the gas was. I told him I'm having a headache.

My long hair's wet, I have a headache and I didn't cum.

Months after I met Ace.


High School

Merman went to my work. He's a former client, and is now a customer with our competitor.

We hadn't seen each other in ages because of work related things.

We were texting each other before he visited me.

M: I like you coz you don't pressure me. [For Movie 4]
Z: I like you becasue you're funny, gentle and kind.
M: Wish sometimes we were closer in age but oh well.. lol
Z: It doesn't bother me sometimes, but I understand.

Until the end of my shift, we'd flirt, talk, and make-out. (I know where the cameras don't shine.)

"You look that way, and I'll look the other way."

"What?!" I shook my head and snicker.

We made-out with our eyes open. This is fucking silly, I can see his blue eyes though.

At one point, I sucked on his finger.

"You naughty boy," he said.

I gave him my widest grin.

When it was his turn, my brain went on shutdown, my eyes went wide, and my jaw dropped. My whole body felt this tingling sensation.

Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck.

When my relieve came, I went back into work mode and did all my shit as fast as I can and clocked out.

He was doing the balancing act on a long bench when I stepped out.

I walked over to him and he used my head to support himself back down (he asked if he could, and who am I to say no). The hand covered most of the top of my head. He then showed me a meme on the Internet and I laughed. Nothing he'll ever do will be lame to me.

"So, I'm not gonna drive you all the way to ---. I'm tired."

"Yeah, I know."

"Though I can drive you to the bus stop."

"Yeah, It's just over there." A few blocks.

We got to his car which was parked on the sidewalk.

I made a comment that I was hungry and I wish I bought food with me. He gave me an orange. For some reason, I can't peel it.

"Oh fuck." My nails weren't long enough.

He took it from me and peeled it himself. We ate a little while in silence.

Then we made-out again.

I swear to my mother's tits. From his touches to kisses, this man is electric.

Fucking electric.

He touched my cock through my jeans, I can't help but moan. We made out some more. I can taste the orange.

I returned the gesture.

We put our cock out and touched each others, I love it.

"You saw it before right?"

"Yeah I did. I don't think we touched it." I said. (No, I did touch it.)

Then I leaned over to his side, and put it in my mouth.


That was music to my ears. I sucked some more and we made out.

Then I saw it.

It was night and there was a sliver of light that went into the car. I saw in those beautiful eyes the hunger that was there. I want more of that.

He came down and sucked on me. It was heaven. I'd caressed him on his bald head and balled his shirt.

We were making out again, and I'd feel a tug on my bottom lip and a scraping of his teeth. This first encounter with his roughness turns me on. Yeah, it's not as rough, but fuck!

He wanted me to cum first. As much as I was jacking off, the car, the anxiety of wanting to please this man, and the fatigue from work came to me and I couldn't.

He revealed to me earlier that he wanted to jack off with my cum while making out.

That's what we did, sans my cum.

I was making-out with him, and when it was close to cumming, I felt that roughness again. Then, "I'm cumming," in a voice I can only describe as heavenly (how about "moan of release").

As he tilt his head back, breaking our kiss. I went for his neck.

He was catching his breach, and I went down and sucked his cum off his fingers. It's not as bitter as I'd expect, maybe because of his "healthy" diet. I really don't care, it was a great moment. One I'd keep replaying over my head.

"I feel like I'm in high school."

"I don't know, I was a fat kid," I said.

Though if it was high school, I'd like to be the head cheerleader. Bitch be fab.

Next day, we texted.

M: That was hot watching you taste my cum.
Z: I consider putting you in my mouth an honor.
M:Putting my tongue in your ass would also be an honor.
Z: Oh God. Hard.



I was in a place where everything is at luxury prices and there's a scarcity in restrooms. Hotels, hi-rises, and stores litter the landscape and everything was touristy. I was supposed to have my cock sucked by a gentleman in his 60s. Unfortunately, I backed out. I didn't feel like it at that time.

I saw him before he saw me, and I made some excuse that's reasonable enough.

With the people, local and tourist inside the cafe and the people outside walking about, I can hide myself easily, despite the fact that I seem to be the only person with an unnecessary layer of clothing on sporting a Mohawk.

Looking back at it I never learned the lesson that what you give out, you get. I was really thirsty up to that point, and I finally got back to my senses. As I remembered this man, looking left and right and leaning forward on the chair as if he's frantically looking for something, I realized that it was a good choice at the moment to call it quits and enjoy my coffee. He gave up after twenty minutes. His form, stout in the middle, walking briskly to the crosswalk.

In between my coffee and newspaper, I was enjoying a chat with Security.

Security is three decades my senior and a few inches shorter than me. I find good rapport with talking to him that later, I actually attempted to have a threesome with him and Ace (it did not happen).

We ended up sucking each others' cock on the fire escape stairwell of his apartment building a few blocks away.

He can't host because his roommate is in the apartment, so he (jokingly, he told me later) proposed to do it in the stairwell, because he did it before and it went good.

We meet in the cafe. He's an inch or so shorter than me, with a little belly that all middle aged men regularly have, and his white hair is short and spiked, and he's white... probably a little Italian in him. I didn't ask and I don't care.

We walked over to his apartment building. He led me inside and up to his floor

The stairwell was clean and well maintained; as expected from a high income bracket area.

We sat on the stairs and started making out. He opened my pants and took the position between my legs and started to suck me off.

Since I'm relatively new to the world of fucking and this is my first stairwell fuck I was a bit anxious about relaxing and cumming in his mouth without the aid of my hand. I was just a person ridden with anxiety.

Yes, I was an anxious nutcase.

By some miracle I manage to relax. I caressed his head and pushed him into my groin that met him halfway with my thrusts. I leaned my head back and I came. A few seconds after, I guided his mouth to mine, there was little cum left. I never really intend on cum swapping with him, but he thought I was. I just agreed.

His cock was good sized. It fit my mouth nicely. I was touching him all over and hollowing my cheeks out. He came and per his instructions, I kept the cum in my mouth, large enough to gargle with.

We shared it. It was salty and our kiss was wet and sloppy. It dripped outside to our lips and with out tongues, we kept it inside until we both swallowed everything.

After that I'm still trying to get as much cum out of my face by my tongue, after a few tongue licks, I just ended it with the back of my hand and licked the evidence clear.

We went back to the cafe and drank coffee, I ate some donuts and we talked.

"... hopefully something else." We toasted our clear plastic cups. I forgot the first part of the sentence. But the latter part surprised me, I hope he's not alluding to a relationship. No, I wasn't interested.

We'd swap some life stories: It seems he came out later in his life a decade or so ago, divorcee, and no children. Still, he made a comfortable life for himself with benefits from early retirement and all that.

We'd also swap sex stories and make each other hard.

"You didn't wear braces?"

"No. These are all natural."

He thinks that's hot.

"You fucking asshole, I'm fucking hard right now." I said under gritted teeth.

He, who seemed to have better control than me, just smiled and said, "well same here."

We said our "see-you-later"s and I went to work pretty content.


Movie 2 & 3


I'm sitting in a joint. It was night and the mall is crowded, I'm in the comfort of a device, a jacket, and tea. He doesn't like coffee, so I don't drink it in his presence. Though I send pictures of me drinking coffee and texting him I drank X (more than 5 usually) cups of coffee just to amuse/irk him.

He sneaked up behind me and tapped my shoulder. He's cute even in those laid back clothes. I was wearing a collared shirt with an undershirt, jeans, jacket, and a backpack. he's only wearing a t-shirt and jeans.... with flip flops.

Being the bargain hunter that I am, I texted him before that I have coupons to see the movie. Turns out that I can't use them, so I texted him that I'll pay for him if I have to.

He declined the offer and paid for himself. He did tell me to buy him a soda.

"I folded my straw so we'll know the difference." Yeah I was being smart.

"Does it matter?"


The second movie was not a gay one, but it was extremely gay-ish romance. He realized that it's from his favorite director.

I'm glad. I invited him to both movies so far.

We watched the movies the usual way: hands together and leaning on each other. We don't do much more than that, we're actually watching the movie.

I really like him the way one likes the company of another. Though I wouldn't decline if sex is offered, I can say that I like him enough not to have sex with.

He drove me home. I got distracted and missed the turn. Going back took some time; enough time to have his hands in my pants.

Touching my cock through the sports fabric got me real hard.

Blocking the driveway, we made out.


It was his turn to invite me to a movie.

He finished work and I'm off that day.. rather, I got someone to cover for me. He spotted me and yelled my name. He's in his work clothes: brown dress shirt, jeans, and a blue tie.... If the light was good, I'd say it matches his eyes.

This would probably the most embarrassing experience between me and Merman ever. I don't have enough money for the ticket.

I was sweating bullets. He covered for me.

"What?! You don't have money."

The most silent "yeah," came out of me.

At that moment, I really wanted to kick my ass. I appreciate free stuff, but I honestly have no desire to be caught with minimal funds. I'm an independent man! With dreams! visions! goals! I didn't let go of the people I love in the motherland to be someone's freeloader.

But that was super sweet. And that won't happen again.

We sat on our usual positions I'm on an aisle seat. Then we started bickering around playing and shoving each other for the armrest.

"Boys," his friend said. His co-worker/friend, who seems to be a nice person. As much as I like to include them in my evening, I didn't because all of my attention is focused on Merman.

The movie was an awesome gay romance.

"I used to live there," he said on one scene.

"It looks nice." I replied.

After the movie, we went outside the theater, I forgot what we were talking about, but I finally got to present him with a present.

It's an album from an artist he likes. I listened to it and it's something I'd listen to, but not come back unless my whole library is on shuffle.

"Aww," he hugged me and pressed his whole weight on me. My nose was a few inches to his pits and I inhaled like it was my last breath on earth.

His smell is amazing. I got hard.

We then made out in front of his friend. I tilted my head up and raised my feet a little bit, he had to crouch down. Later, he texted that he's not used to such displays. I don't care whether it's private or not, as long as I like the person, all is good.

He has to bring his friend to their house so he can't drive me. I said them for the time and we went separate.

I always have a smile on my face after seeing Merman.

I'm grinning and I feel giddy.



I was getting on the bus on my way to work when I got pinged.

First message: his cock photo.

At that time, I was amazed.

Probably around 6, it has a consistent thinness from base to head. He's cut.
He told me to meet him at the Department Store, third floor men's restroom.

"Power walk" would be a right term to how I got there.

When I got into the restroom, I was in front of the middle bathroom stall, thinking that we'd both see each other and fuck there. It took me a while to figure out what this scene meant.

So, I took the handicapped stall and put some toilet seat paper liners on the seat and waited for whatever. Then he lowers himself to the partition and slid his cock under it.

Oh, so that's how it works.

I immediately prostrated myself on the restroom floor, not caring for cleanliness, I'm sucking cock. I put the whole thing in my mouth, it fits comfortably in there sitting at the back of my throat, poking a bit on my gag reflexes.

We traded blowjobs and played red-light-jump-squat-green-light-jump-squat with the people who actually need to use the restroom. At one point, he puts his finger up my ass.

Three times, I jumped back and forth to the seat and floor. It was a comfortable jump because of the handicap stall. You can do calisthenics in there. Pure adrenaline and testosterone.

I ended up cumming by just sitting there in the sheer novelty of the experience. And shame, let's not forget that. I can't hold it in. A stream of white came out the slit, my head moist.

I apologized for cumming, thought thinking back, I wish I stayed there and let the other guy lap over my cum. And stick more of his fingers up my ass.

But no. I fucking apologized for cumming early.

When I left the stall, it seems he was preoccupied by another person at his right. Oh, this was a master.

Sex was still new and evil to me. Sex outside the bedroom was extremely a no-no, I was taught.

I went to work late.


Movie 1

The point of contact between Merman and I are a few: workplace and gym.

The best point of contact would be the movies.

We've watched a handful of movies so far, the first one was a gay documentary.

Probably because of miscommunication or whatever, he ended up rushing to the theater and almost missing the first seconds of the movie. He sat right next to me. It was unusually crowded.

This first movie would mark a religious habit that we do: touch hands and lean on each other.

He's so soft.

Sometimes, we'd entwine fingers. Caress each others wrist and arm.

"You'd probably be good in porn," he said.

"Yeah, whatever." I'm having a hard on.

I'm usually a little fidgety when it comes to anything, I'd either be moving my fingers, arms or legs, lean back and forward when I watch something, but since I'd like to prolong my contact with him, I stay still.I move the farthest leg from him to temper myself.

After the movie, we went into his car, so he can drop me off at the gym where I kept my stuff.

Somewhere at this point, he affirmed what he texted me earlier: He gets playful whenever he's with me.

I can see him being his sulky self at work. Apparently, his contact with me made him a decade younger. It made me feel nice that I can bring something joyful out of him.

We ended up showing each others cock in his car. We traded touches, and it feels great (of course, it's cock).

We never did anything because were in a well lit parking lot, and some people here and there are walking from the theater. I never expected anything physically sexual with him because I'm really enjoying myself. Also, if I went down and swallowed his cock, he might hate on me.

"I've never done something this wild. See, it's hard right now." He banged his cock-head on the steering wheel. "Ow."

I laughed.

He drove me to the gym, both our hands in each others thighs. We made out.

I'm happy with him too.



I met Merman at an app, and we hit it off smoothly.

I was feeling humorous at the time and I really had no agenda for sex or anything. I just thought he was an attractive guy and I'd like to get to know him more... and maybe get into his pants.

A bit taller than six feet and with a strong brow, would probably demonstrate the neanderthal ancestry of Caucasians. He's got amazingly striking blue eyes. Deep blue eyes, totally novel to my motherland sensibilities, I never get to see this much white people before, not to mention this beautiful fucker.

We messaged each other a lot and finally meet. It turns out we go to the same gym we work close to, so we met there.

I was running my mile on the treadmill and he was doing some chest things.

Then he ended up talking to me. I really don't know why people turn the gym into a hang-out place, it's a gym; you work out and you get it done. He was being cute and all that. For a six feet fucker, it's working.

I walked him to his car, which was street parked a few blocks away.

We were chatting; he was in the drivers seat and I was outside. It took me a while to realize, until he asked me, that I was meant to sit in the passengers side.

Sometimes, I get socially inept into things like this.

We talked about each other and our histories. Then we made out.

From that first meeting and the meetings after, I've come to know Merman as a sort of nervous type (from the way he talks about work and his asshole former boss and ex), who really likes the Asians and Latinos, he's a real mild kisser.

Soft, slow, and just pleasurable.

When we kiss, I'd flick my tongue out as if I was teasing him and he'd open his lips and we'd kiss deeper. His kisses aren't hungry or strong, they're very gentle.

One thing I noticed about Merman is about how innately soft he is. Very soft. His hands, his lips, his everything is so soft.

He dropped me off at the gym, we said our goodbyes.


Enough 3


I'm in the mall that afternoon. Hot. Haven't eaten breakfast. I just got there in hopes of getting some dick.

It was shameful really. I was grovelling without a grovel-ee.

I realized that it was such a disrespectful display for myself. I went back to my hang-out to eat.


I chatted up with someone on the way back.

A very good looking guy in an open relationship. I'm curious about these things.

"Do you have some rules?"

"Yeah... I got to tell the partner first." He typed.

We traded body and face pics. He's a good looking guy, leaner and more defined than me. His skin is almost translucent, like it's glowing or something. A David splashed with flesh tone. Some wonders of Pacific Islander combined with White ancestry.

In a restroom, I took of my jacket, shirt and dropped my pants to my knees.

I got called a stud.

That compliment was like an expensive gem someone would find on the street.

I was overjoyed, but some parts of me couldn't believe the compliment. So i had to double-check with Ace.

"Yes, you are a stud," he texted back.

I felt good.



 I called myself X.

About three miles from where I slept, there's this guy with a day laborer' s body. When I felt him there's a hard shoulder under some padding of fat. Dark skin tone, a real local kine guy.

I woke up so early at Saturday morning and I can't sleep, so I took his invite. I took the bus. I'm in his street, but I had difficulty looking where he is.

"Em hea by the street kornah. The house with the forty-niner flags." I suprised myself on how pidgin smoothly rolled out of me. I still think of myself as new.

"Jus go walk, I'll meechu."

"Any landmarks?"



sniggering, "houses." Fucking wiseass.

I went back in the street the second time, it's brighter because it's six already and I saw him, arms perched at the front gate. When I was caressing his scalp later, the back of his head had thinned. I like that.

"It's cold," he said. I agreed and wanted to piss. He told me to piss at the corner of the house. I walked through the well manicured front lawn to a bird of paradise. I wondered why he didn't let me just use the bathroom.

Turns out the other occupants of the house where asleep. With their bedroom door open. In my socks and him barefoot, we went to his room, which gave me the impression that he's living with a family, or maybe with his kids.

Before we got inside. He introduced himself and I told him my name was X. I don't know why I used a fake name.

I let him take the lead, he likes muscular (he asked me) and straight acting (from what I read on his profile). It's feels amazing that I seem to fit both from what he's seeing, I haven't sunk into this new body yet. Though, I'd consider myself stocky..

In his room, a compact cube lined with a TV, boxes, shelves and a desk, he got undressed and set up the porn and reminded me again to keep quiet. He told me that the people wake up at around 7:20, which means we have roughly 30 minutes to work with.

It was a good 20 inch flat screen TV playing 90s porn of muscled guys and clothing that I'd throw away. I take pride in my uniform black jacket, jeans, white shirt, and worn out sneakers.

I left my boxer briefs on when I went to the bed, brushing my crotch to his knee. I waited for his move, and he sucked on my nipple. I got naked.

We seem to have the same height and body type. My skin lighter than his.

"You shame? No shame.."

I smiled. "No, just lazy."

It looked like were just going to masturbate, until he got right on top of me to feed me his cock. I did get to suck on his pit, it was nice a morning dew of someone.

His cock feels nice in my mouth, not as deep as Ace, but deep enough to tickle the back of my throat. He's got good sturdy legs too.

When he got back down to try and fuck me, I went to watching the porn and jack off. He finally got in when I turned around and buried my face into the pillow with my ass up and my hands pulling my cheeks apart. He spared on the lube as he got in me, it stings.

He reminded me to be quiet, I moved his hand from my shoulder to my mouth. No, his paw. Calloused and heavy, damn.

After pumping into me some more, he took himself out. "I don't know if you poz," he said.

I just smiled as he lay on my side.

"Hey Uncle, you like kiss?" As I said these, he shushed me. My normal voice was too loud for him.

I leaned my head to his direction, I'm waiting for his move. He was very slow, but I can felt his breath. It's warm. His kissed softly. Mild. His mustache tickles.

I got bored and just stroked myself to climax, he clamped down his large hand on my mouth to make sure I'm not making any sounds. I arched my back and spasmed.. a little to dramatically. I stuck my tongue out and licked his hand.

He didn't cum. I felt triumphant and a little guilty.

It was 7:10 so we made it in time, we went out in the same manner. He made small talk as I tie my shoes.

"Do you smoke?"


"You go to clubs?"


"Yeah, I don't do that."

I learned that he's divorced (it looks like his kid's photographs where on his desk). We got out of the gate and arranged to meet next week.

"See you later," I said.

"Bye bu." His reply reminded me of how new I am. (It means "bro")

I didn't know why I used X the second he introduced himself. It felt like to instinctive reaction, since I was playing a character from the beginning. I was very deliberate with my everything, including my voice, speech patterns, and even movements.

For some reason, I felt power. Like I accomplished something. Like this validated what I thought of myself all along: a stud.

However, such veneer is annoying. You can't move freely, but I guess a limit is what makes stuff exciting. The thrill of edging out and being slammed back in.


Enough 2


I got a message. OMIGOD a message!

Prof steered from a general question to a meeting. I let him without showing me a more detail photo of himself and giving his stats a second look. He didn't ask for photos either.

He proposed his office in the local university. I was stoked, Prof is a Professor in the university, it's hot and kinky!

I didn't trust my instincts enough, It was screaming no, but I was pushing against the waves.

I moved based on my assumptions.

Me [morning]: In the bus. On my way. Can I ask you for something?

Prof: Sure.

M: Role-play.

P: Can try what do you like?

M: I'm going to fail one class and I need some help or my scholarship would be shit.

I arrived in this dilapidated building in the campus. I later learned it was close to demolition. Inside, it feels like Silent Hill.

I went to the floor where his office was. After landing, all the sides were blocked with doors. I tried my left and right to no avail. The one in front of me opened.

Oh Jesus. I realized by then I should've asked for a photo. I'll admit, I still prey victim to the kind of thinking that things should be of a certain way even if you didn't do the work.

I went inside his office. It was dingy and awful, really the school should take care of its staff.

My imagination got the best of me. He's more like a superintendent or custodian.

He then locked the door, by jamming it with what seems to be a vary small screwdriver as long as my middle finger.

"Do you want to do the role-play?" He's sitting on his office chair in front of an overcrowded desk.

His radio is talking, "something in the girls bathroom... a clog." Static.


"Let's make ourselves comfortable." He walked over to where I was sitting, a fold-out mattress.

Foreplay was bland. He's probably enjoying it, but I was trying not to show my mental state on my face, which was a combination of repulsion, regret, and self-hatred for being swayed by my most primal instinct and irrational thoughts. He lay on his back while I made out with him, or rather while I sucked his moribund tongue. Move you idiot.

He used generous amounts of hand lotion and his fingers and dick slid in easily, I made it difficult for him by being fucked on my back with my legs up. I was remembering the last time Ace and I fucked, it was the first time on my back (after three years of fucking).

Because he's stomach was in the way, it was a laborious effort from the sounds of his breathing. Wheezes. From where I am, I can see under his nose; lots of white hairs in there. I wondered, if mine will look like that when I'm older. Probably.

We finally went on to spooning, still wheezing. I'm contracting my hole whenever he pulls out and pushing back at him to speed up the process.

He's plunging into me.

Pumping into my tank.

Cleaning my pipes.

Decloging my hole.

He stopped moving. Dead? He was fucking me and he died.

He sighed.


My dick was wet, precum or spit I don't know.

He go a roll of paper towel and took out a feet or so with a movement familiar to all janitors and me. I wiped myself and stuffed it in my bag, for some reason I made sure that I never left any traces.

I was mute throughout the whole thing, answering as short as possible.

"So, hit me up when you want to talk or something."


Later, he texted.

"I came a lot, did you feel that?"

Sure, there was evidence at the toilet. But I can't bring myself to lie, so I didn't answer.