WARNING: Mature Content.



Changes are happening and I feel fucking off. Before I go spiraling into the deep, I manage to catch myself and lift myself up into the light. I get a hold of my doubts and just throw caution to the wind. I have to say I'm doing well compared to me a few years back.



If you're my top at the moment, and you're looking into my eyes at the millisecond of penetration, you might say the same thing Atlas has said. He said that I have this combination of fear and want in my eyes. He likes it.

The initial pain always gets to me. Was it because of that experience or does it go deeper into childhood? The cause does not really matter, and I'm getting better at acceptance. (Pun intended.) Relaxing the body, especially the shoulders and the hole, as one enters is a conscious effort.

In most times with Old Guard, especially when I'm tied down, I close my eyes and it helps (it heightens the other senses). During my time with Ace, fucking mostly happens in the spooning position which also helps.


I never knew how to consciously get out from the deep.
Series of life events made me avoid a certain point en route to my house. A lady, I imagined from the volume of the flowers by the post, killed herself. Maybe it was just a car accident where a lady was involved.

I played the imagined scenario in my head. It scared me to feel the zero gravity.
I told Ace about the stuff.

All I can remember was a very long hug. I clung to the fabric of his t-shirt, and inhaled really deep.

The fuck was very soft. Very gentle.

The usual spooning position. He had his arm around my neck, the other crossing my chest. Rather than pressing on to my throat, the arm was just there. Solid.

I held on to his arm and kissed it.


We had coffee together and hang out by the beach. Almost sunset.

I told him that I was feeling insecure, lost, and not satisfied with there I am.

He recommended that I work on my goals.

Straddling the bench beside me, he put his left hand under my jeans in the front and the right hand on the other side.

As he played with the ring, prodding it, and rubbing my cock I tried not to make a sound.

I told him I want to give him a blowjob in the public restroom a few feet away. I didn't push so it didn't happen.


Recently, I texted him that the daddy he told me about wont be back from a business trip until several weeks or so.

Z: I'm writing daddy a note though. LOL
A: Nice
Z: Old Guard taught me patience.If it takes Month, I'm going to wait till Month for my Daddy. LOL.
A: Damn who r u and where's my boy?
Z: Your boy's grown up daddy. (But I'm still your boy. Lol)

Thank You. 




I was a year or so off from being a teenager. My first black dude and in-car blowjob and I was more nervous than I was excited.

I put up an ad (probably for just a blow-and-suck buddy), and we agreed to meet at a park parking lot.

I walked a little around the park, the night was settling in and it was as dark as it can be with post-work traffic and lampposts. It was probably so bright that I didn't notice the sky if there were any stars.

He parked at the least lit place, and moved to the spot under the lamppost.

I asked him this and he reasoned that there were people standing on the sides of the parked car right next to him, so he moved. Right under the lamppost.

It was reasonable.

There was no pre-blowjob antics; no kissing, petting, and nipple squeezing. In commando, his cock easily slipped out. Like some car ballet, we reclined at around the same time and I sucked him under the yellow beam of the lamppost.

It was thick and long enough to make me choke. He quietly came and, he stopped me from sucking him a bit more.

When he sucked me off, I was so anxious that I didn't let him finish me off. I was too anxious to sink into the blowjob. I jacked off at the end of it.

We wiped each other down with paper towels and that's it.

It felt like the whole thing was routine. Like nothing special happened, but I guess that's because there wasn't any built up or a connection. Another theory is that he can sense my inexperience. Whatever.

The one thing that made me laugh about my time with this guy, was that while I was at work I texted him if I could do it with his friends since he's busy. (We never met again.)

Yeah, that was really funny.


He an Asian guy around my age. He also knows the native tongue.

Any sex related talk in native language while you're having sex is fucking weird. It's not that I'm ashamed to use the language, but I use this language to speak with my mother and other important people in my life. The language prompts their images in my mind.

In addition to the language, Med Student comes off as a variant of me. A version of me with more pounds on him, longer hair and a smaller cock. When we both realized that were living with our families, he thought of it as a blight on his existence. I thought of it as a money-saving opportunity.

When he said << penis >>, it almost threw me off balance.

He came a lot, and I got up from his lap with both cheeks puffed up.

I swallowed some of it, which threw him in a frenzy. He demanded me to spit it outside and gargle some water.

There was no reciprocation, he just promised it. As a med student, he also reminded me to get tested.

A few days later, he wants to meet again and he seemed to like me more than I wanted him to.

I asked Ace for boy advice.

I decided not to meet him again.



I don't know where Marco went, but this guy I met in a cruising spot sucks great cock. I enjoy the sensations of a mouth over my cock and sound of the waves. I bought a large towel, so were both comfortable. Well, me at least, Aviators was all down there doing suction work.

I met Marco in an app, the pictures shows a man laying on the bed nape to knees, with the ass covered like one would go back and forth with a marker. Our conversation ended up with me meeting him in one of the cruising spots because he was unable to host.

I never said anything about the beach, but.. He typed.

He then describes the place and how to get there. I had difficulty with the instructions and it's all radio silence on his side. It took a little while to find it and I was getting flustered. By about half an hour, I thought he flaked, so I just went about the place like a tourist. Doing a walk and taking random pictures.

Then, i saw a kind of clearing that perfectly describes what Marco was talking about. I went in, not knowing what to expect. This place looks so shady. Is this going to be my last day on earth? Will I accidentally trip and gash my head? Will my dick be cut off rendering me a bottom forever?

No. I saw a mature gentleman with aviator sunglasses, a decent shirt, and in boxers. Was he here cruising? He nodded at me and I went closer, my heart thumping I touched his cock like it was an accident (there really is no right way to do it accidentally). My first cruising experience in plein air is turning out to be good after all, now if we can find some voyeurs...

We got into a clearing and he rolled up his magazine and stuck it on a rock. He then removed his aviators, and he looks like some mature Indian guy. Like those father figure types at Bollywood movies. Then, he laid down this thin hand towel as padding. A flimsy, very thin, terry cloth you get as a souvenir from some event.

"I bought a towel." I took it out of my back pack.

We sat side by side and he took out his poppers and whiffed. I unbuckled my belt, opened my fly and he dove in. He repositioned himself lying in front of me to have more access to my cock. The surface of the area is uneven and there was a threat of sliding down with him. He puts his hand on my lower back and I massaged his scalp. I relaxed to the blowjob and the sound of the ocean. It's easier because he really does it good.

He looked up at me. "You wanna try reaming?"

What? Did I tell you to stop? "What? What's that?"

"My ass." Oh rimming.

I got up and he did all fours. His hole was interesting. Surrounded by a somewhat hairless ass, his hole looked like it had a labia. His dark skin bunched around the hole all puffy and when I put my finger inside it, it wasn't really tight. Diving in was real easy with spit.

I'm still relatively new to the craft, so I made good time with my rimming, going in there with my beard, fingers and back to my tongue. I cant tell if I'm having anything on him, no dramatic moaning or anything, not even an erection. But then we're in public, so it's understandable.

It was a few minutes till we moved to the 69 position. he put himself on top of me, and I went to work on his cock. The hairy creature is still unresponsive; and he's got really nice hairy balls. I sucked for a little while till he had to take the cock out of my mouth and shove his ass back to my face. So I just rimmed.

Aviators was a real expert cocksucker. This slow steady rhythm with those lips pressing on the inches and the attention on the head.

Especially that little bump between where the head meets the shaft.

Wish I lasted longer, but I didn't. It was a violent explosion, and he took it all in his mouth. I shoved my tongue and face further into his ass gripping skin for dear life. The vibrations of my grunt, more of a roar, went through my tongue and into his ass.

Man that was great.

He told me that he was waiting for me for quite a while. By then I realized that Aviators was Marco Polo. I apologized for being an hour late. And we talked for a few minutes or so; he told me that I had a "talented tongue " and that I was "decent" looking. I said thanks.

He drove me back and I can still smell him on my face.


Challenge Accepted

As of posting, I'm in the middle of being chaste till I meet with Old Guard. This would be the longest period of not jacking off; a week and a few days. This would be easier if there was a chastity device preventing me to even touch my cock (I leak a lot), but when you're not jacking off for someone it's a little easier. In addition, there are also tons of distractions from jacking off like work, projects, friends, and family. (Except the fucking dog whose licking all over the fucking place.)

After seeing Old Guard, I have at least a day and a half to jack off like a gym rat on a cheat day. One porn after another (I try to cum after the seven minute mark) in a quiet space where I can't be disturbed, licking my fingers of the evidence. When we schedule the next meeting, I tell him that I wont be jacking off until then. Fucking genius.

Reminding myself of this predicament, I remember jacking off in the school bus; I was the last kid to get out and all I need to do was to open the fly of my school uniform shorts (sexy amirite?), and later on slacks pants, and rub my cock through my white briefs until I explode. It was easy, all I need to do was look normal from the chest up and leave the cum on my briefs till I go home.

I can lie about being chaste and since I can do multiple orgasms alone (Seven within approx 24 hours) and with someone (Old Guard: four, two of which are dry, within approx 32 hours), I need to make sure not to jack off 5-6hours before I get to his place. But like any overachieving asshole, I'm into games and challenges. Also, I actually believe in the value and integrity of my word, and when I say, "I will not cum," I will not fucking cum. I don't know why I make it harder on myself.

Exhibit A: On one of our first tries for a missionary position, Ace's 7" would really hurt me. Sometimes, I make his job harder by not telling him and taking it like a trooper. He'd notice though and we'd go back to spooning.

"I was just seeing if I can go further," I reasoned as we cuddled.

"uhuh," he replied. His cock still inside me.

Exhibit B: I borrow a dozen library books all at once. I also try to read two at a time.

Exhibit C: I actually fainted during a workout. (2)

This adventurous spirit probably came from a past so restrained in all material and non-material ways (most where my fault), that one day I just said, "fuck it, let's let loose."

However, in some twisted paradox, I come to love the restraint Old Guard provides.

At one time, we started to drift off to sleep and it's the most comfy and horny state I've been in. My wrists and ankles are cuffed together with soft black leather, and he's spooning behind me, hands all over my body. My shallow breaths and mewls were interrupted by an occasional smack on my ass or stomach. He told me I was hard all night.

Maybe this "kink", as Old Guard would say, comes from my love of the bear necessities. The appreciation I have to the limits I learned to appreciate, respect and, at the same time, push against.

Or maybe I'm just a pig with untapped potential?


Movie 5

I think it has been a month or two since Movie 4. The gap is usual because we've developed this unwritten rule about movies; there needs to be a movie for a meeting to occur. Though there were meetings in between, but they were very rare and it usually involves his hands down my pants. (He's more of a sausage person than a nut guy. He didn't like me stroking his nuts.)

Merman knows about my thing with "my regular" [Ace] and I felt really sad about it. I learned a lot from it, I told him. Everything's a lesson dear, he texted back.

He was surprised that I lost more weight and got tanner. Running and sunshine will do that to you.

It wasn't peak time in the theater and fifteen minutes till the movie, so we made out a few feet from the double doors. I noticed he's a little more aggressive since the last time. He kneads my ass and I'm glad I do my squats.

"Oh, someone's watching us," he said pointing to the projector.

"What?" I looked up and he laughed. Nobody.

We sat down and talked while waiting for the movie. We also made out and stroked each other through fabrics.

"How do they make money?" He asks, as he strokes my arm.

"I don't know, they make it up later probably." I was stroking him back.

It seemed that we have the whole theater to ourselves. As the lights dim, we made out some more and I unbuckle my belt and opened my fly. Then he touches my cock trough my sports boxer briefs.

Then he opened his shorts and his cock was out. He's commando that day. I learned not to expect full blown sex from Merman, but this surprised me. Never thought that being "comfortable" with me meant like this.

Then a couple came in. Man and woman, the seated themselves in the middle of the theater, several rows in front of us. Yeah, it's still on.

Believe it or not we still watched the movie despite being 1/16th undressed, and at one point I actually took my shirt off. He made kisses at my shoulder as I kissed his knee and worked my way to his cock.

I took a dive and licked the head.

He hissed out a fuck.
I wish I gave him a blowjob, but I came here for the movie too.

We were the last one to get out of the theater, when the lights went back on. We made out some more, and those large just wont leave my ass.

He drove me a few blocks from the gym, on the way to his swim. It was traffic on the way, and we talked about guys I met on the internet and apps, life, and work. I wished the traffic was slower.

I told him that I promised myself that I wouldn't cum anymore unless I'm with another guy*.

Being in that theater and being stroked through my jeans when the chances of people seeing us are high... well through the whole trip, I think two guys saw me being fondled in two different occasions.

"Oh, god you're gonna drive me wild. Fuck no." The sound of my voice didn't make it very convincing.

At the drop off point, we pecked.

"So goddamn soft," I said.

"Oh, you."

I stepped out with my bag and gym bag, "See you later. Thank You!"

*I broke the promise, but I do make a regular effort not to masturbate much.




One time my ass got really sore, probably from an enema gone wrong.

We were lying side by side and jacking each other off. I came and he came.

Then he went down on me and took all the cum, I reciprocated. Cumming in one's mouth is much better then licking someone's cum off.

Then we made out.


One time Roommate was on vacation, Ace invited me to stay over. (#FUCKYEAH!)

I arrived with the last bus, and he was dozing off. It took a few calls for the front apartment door to open.

He was moving an old sofa out. When I came in, the same sofa I sat on the first meeting was the first thing I saw. With it's feet against the wall, I still have to tip toe around it to avoid stepping on the back rest. I was wearing socks, so it's okay.

We sat on the sofa while I watched Family Guy and owned his tablet to read some comics. V for Vendetta (better in print) and Before Watchmen (better in digital).

"I don't think so!" Ace replied to Peter.

I laughed while I leaned on him while I flicked through the comics. I felt peaceful and serene.

I also felt I was procrastinating on reviewing for my Calculus 2 Finals.

When I finally ceded to sleep, we went to the bedroom and I got ready. We slept naked, and fucked me a few good minuted before officially sleeping. I wanted him to cum, but he didn't. So, I didn't.

He warned me of his snoring. I didn't care, he's right next to me.

I read a few more pages, the bright light bleeding to my side of the bed. I finally fell asleep. It's a different bed so, "you move too much," he said. It was more of an observation than an accusation really. 

he has his back to me and I leaned my forehead against him.

I woke up from the sounds in the bathroom.

I spent most of the early mornings doing my Calculus (and procrastinating with the tablet) review in my boxer briefs while he did some house stuff. Like everyone else, they have clutter problem, and he was fixing his side of the mess.

He recommended that I take a break from studying. He recommended by taking my head that I use in calculus and making out with it and taking my other head that doesn't need that much attention while doing calculus while making a side trip on my nipples. I was easily persuaded.

He bred me, calming me down.

He told me to leave around afternoon, as the roommate would be back from his vacation, and that everything in the fridge is up for breakfast.

I plundered the kitchen and made myself spinach omelet with a side of spam. Unfortunately, there was no rice so I went with wheat bread. I also took one of those carbonated flavored water. I should've ate more.