If you're my top at the moment, and you're looking into my eyes at the millisecond of penetration, you might say the same thing Atlas has said. He said that I have this combination of fear and want in my eyes. He likes it.
The initial pain always gets to me. Was it because of that experience or does it go deeper into childhood? The cause does not really matter, and I'm getting better at acceptance. (Pun intended.) Relaxing the body, especially the shoulders and the hole, as one enters is a conscious effort.
In most times with Old Guard, especially when I'm tied down, I close my eyes and it helps (it heightens the other senses). During my time with Ace, fucking mostly happens in the spooning position which also helps.
I never knew how to consciously get out from the deep.
Series of life events made me avoid a certain point en route to my house. A lady, I imagined from the volume of the flowers by the post, killed herself. Maybe it was just a car accident where a lady was involved.
I played the imagined scenario in my head. It scared me to feel the zero gravity.
I told Ace about the stuff.
All I can remember was a very long hug. I clung to the fabric of his t-shirt, and inhaled really deep.
The fuck was very soft. Very gentle.
The usual spooning position. He had his arm around my neck, the other crossing my chest. Rather than pressing on to my throat, the arm was just there. Solid.
I held on to his arm and kissed it.
We had coffee together and hang out by the beach. Almost sunset.
I told him that I was feeling insecure, lost, and not satisfied with there I am.
He recommended that I work on my goals.
Straddling the bench beside me, he put his left hand under my jeans in the front and the right hand on the other side.
As he played with the ring, prodding it, and rubbing my cock I tried not to make a sound.
I told him I want to give him a blowjob in the public restroom a few feet away. I didn't push so it didn't happen.
Recently, I texted him that the daddy he told me about wont be back from a business trip until several weeks or so.
Z: I'm writing daddy a note though. LOL--
Z: Old Guard taught me patience.If it takes Month, I'm going to wait till Month for my Daddy. LOL.
A: Damn who r u and where's my boy?
Z: Your boy's grown up daddy. (But I'm still your boy. Lol)