Man Friday

At one point, Merman expressed his distress over some stuff and we basically agreed that I should come over and t to cheer him up.

He lived practically on the other side of the state and it's around 5 pm so traffic can be potentially deadly, by some miracle I arrived in record time, about an hour and a half, despite riding the bus. Lucky.

You think being invited to his house means something like what happened from last time? No.

I met him outside the apartment and we talked and bought some stuff (liquor is not included sadly). We ate a snack and talked a lot.

He seemed to calm down.

After I gave him a good foot massage, we decided to move it to the bed. The massage I mean.

I was commando at that time, so I got to have his underwear as we undressed for the massage.

There was the back, sacrum, then the legs and arms, and finally the shoulders. I'm amateur at best, but I just really like touching him. I'd think I'd be some hot shit to his him along the spine. Damn, I'm so corny.

He reciprocated and it felt really great.

I reminded him how beautiful he is. We made out for a while and we said our goodbyes.

I had a case of blue balls, and decided to eat it out and miss out on the apps.

Good day.

Dinner and a Show

He picked me up at my bus stop after work. It was convenient because we work at the same part of the town, he's an office man from the looks of it. From the looks of his car, he's a hard working office man. The car looks like a four wheel drive; it wasn't meant for the city roads we traveled on.

He drove me out of his way to a diner after work, the place was close to my house and miles away from his. It's past midnight so there's no traffic. Oh, did I mention that we just met at the app?

I've forgotten how the conversations went, but it was a mix of my attempts at being smart, likable, and cocky and his complaints about some ex-boyfriend of some sort. Really, it wasn't substantial enough.

We talked in the car on the parking lot of the diner and at one point he took a hold of my head on both sides and smashed his mouth to mine. Our teeth clinked, and out tongues played swords. It was... nice and awful. Nawful.

We went into the diner, and of course I got the heaviest plate I can get. Fuck why not live a little.

We ate and talked some more. I made sure to make that plate lasts.

He drove me to the closest parking lot of the house. He blocked the windshield with these foils and got to the backseat.

The windows where tinted and the dots of light came from the lamppost behind a tree. The seats were leather, and they feel nice as my thighs slide through them in the cold.

I'm trying to map out his kisses so I can write it, but honestly, I can't remember it being nice and pleasurable. It actually left a sting in my lips from his teeth (not that he was biting me, more like he didn't know where to put it). Now I figured out that there was forcefulness and thirst behind it. Just like mine.

I did try to spice it up by going through his neck and collarbone, but I just went straight through the dick. It was shorter than mine, but I worked on it like it was a popsicle sucking on the length as I bob up and down on it. I played with the balls with my tongue circling form one to the other.

He came in large bursts. (After this experience, I've made a generalization that smaller dicks cum more. I dunno is it true?) Realizing that he came in my mouth, he made me gargle some water and spit some out. The cum was sweet.

Then it was my turn. I didn't remember being taken in the mouth exactly, but I do remember being jacked off and making out. His hands where tight, he was rubbing the head more than actually stroking me, and I came in no time. I leaned into him with my mouth half open uttering these half stifled moans or something, then heavy breathing. I remember his eyes, to me it looked like he was in the zone, knowing the most expedient way to get me off (way too expedient). I stopped him a few strokes when I got tender. He cleaned me up with paper towels, and then his hands. There was a drop of hand sanitizer as well, he offered me some and I took it.

As I remember this, I feel a large sense of regret. I know we have some low days, but this just feels awful. I made him drop me off a few blocks from the house. I told him it was fine, I'd like to walk.

I got to eat free, got a ride home, and got a handjob; to be honest, I'm a lucky son of a bitch considering the fact that the man, who seems to be interested in me, does not share the same income bracket as me. The man is quite nice and generous that's for sure, but he seems so desperate to please it kills me. It reminds me about myself.

I just thank my lucky stars that I my hide didn't end up a lampshade.

He tried to get another contact, and I told him I'd rather be alone. We never met again.

Conquest for Daddy: My Actual Dad

My Actual Dad died. A long time ago. I was fortunate enough to get to know him a little bit.

What brought this on? Well, I was in this section in reddit, and I bumped into this tumblr which is incredibly hot. I found myself nostalgic.

My Actual Dad is a really hairy fucker, and we look really alike too. Unfortunately, I didn't get the heavy chest hair, though there are some few strands (I am a few inches taller though). He died before I could come to a peace with my sex and desires, so I wondered how he'd take it if I told him I fuck with guys who are decades older than him.

Sometimes, when Ace fucks me. On my back, my ankles up to his neck. I'd run and tug my fingers through his chest hair; it reminds me of my dad and what I used to do to his calves. It was fun.

It would be a nice thought if I fuck with older men because of my dad. It'll be like a full circle thing for sure.

Was Busy

Apologies to the readers who thought I dissipated. Be honest, which one of you thought I died?

I'll be changing a few things in the site to make sure Google won't privatize any of my post.

The Breeder has posted about this topic. Since I have not posted any images (no intentions to), then I guess I'll carry on here then.

Here's an update: Got fired, back to school, gained weight, got hired, and got chlamydia and a syphilis scare.

Long Story. Will tell.

Gratitude.

ACE 5

XVI.

I texted him I want to try bondage.

In hindsight, the setting was poor. We only have a very small window of time, about two hours, to fuck. If it's just a basic fuck, there's ample time, but bondage with the blindfold and all that for the first time would require a lot of time. At least I was wearing my jockstrap at that time. Black with laces on the front.

After I entered the front door, I was ordered to kneel and wait orders.

A blindfold was slipped to me and my wrists were bound in front of me.

I was commanded to crawl to the bedroom. I crawled.

I was commanded to hop on to the bed and I did. I sucked him off for a while.

Then I was commanded to the edge of the bed and I did.

Then he slid himself in and told me to fuck myself. I was on my toes and my ankles tied, with my ass up, and face full of bed sheets. The pain and pleasure of going deep because of my fault balance is overwhelming.

There was a lot of resistance in my part. I was really humiliated and the verbal abuse was not really turning me on, probably triggering some trauma from the past. It was awful.

"I want to piss SIR." I was pissed and I really want to fight back, but you cant do that with a blindfold.

I was blindfolded, so there was no need to turn on the lights in the bathroom. I sat down to piss. Then that flashing white light blinked at me again. I know he was taking pictures from the start.

When I got back on the bed, he fucked me on my stomach with my hands tied. My ankles were far apart now, and he was getting in there deeper. He then stopped and flipped me over.

He told me he wont cum inside until I cum. It was difficult to concentrate, but I managed to. He told me to flip back.

He used the cum as lube and bred me. It felt different than spit and lube. More abrasive.

 As much as my fantasy was arousing, reality said otherwise. Later, he'd tell me I have "trouble with control." I'd also learn I'm not into verbal.

The pictures were sent to Security. Me in my jockstrap. Me sucking him. Me being fucked from behind. Me on the toilet and pissing. My ass glazed with cum after fucking me. Security liked them.

"God I'm fat," I said.

"No you're not." He's right.


XVII.

He was in a phone call about someone's accounts or something like that.

He seems to be talking with a client.

A woman from the sound of it.

Something about an event.

Receipts were needed and some other document(s).

I gave up trying to listen. It's none of my business.

I meet his hips to my face. That's my fucking business.

My business is opening my mouth wider while he fucks my face and answers this business call.


XIX.

I gave him a watercolor painting (one of the best), and a Ray Bradbury ("that was weird," he said). He gave me Aloha shirts, regular t-shirts, sport shirts, some underwear, and four Handjob Magazines from a stash under his bed.

Movie 6

When Movie 6 finally came out, I met him about a half hour late. When I arrived, I saw him eating some salad near the theater. I moved quietly amongst the cars and other masses and tapped him on the shoulder like some retarded ninja.
"Hey, how you doing." I said.

We catch up on work and things. By now you're practically familiar with Merman; there's lots of flirtation, but rarely fucking. I'm not complaining because I like him personally, but sometimes I wanted to ask him, "when can I rim you?"

We went to the theater and the movie had already started twenty minutes ago. We watched it with about six other people (older than both us combined) and sat ourselves in the back row. He's still eating some of his lunch. Curry.

We watched the movie like always: leaning on each other. After his lunch, we went to the usual hands-near-crotch position. This never gets old for me. Especially now that he wanted me to go commando.

It's what he wanted because my underwear-jeans-belt combo was too tight. I went all the way opting for a pair baggy cargo shorts. He snaked up there so fast, he was cupping my cock in seconds.

We both have canker sores at the moment so there wasn't any tongue action. So we settled for petting, and I almost got too loud because he was stroking my cock.

We made out a little, and I tasted curry. God I was hungry (in more ways than one).

We finished the movie, and still understood what happened. We talked about home remedies ("hydrogen peroxide tastes like cum," I said, and he agreed), kissing, and things we'd do to each other in bed.

When my stop came, I did my usual kiss and thanks. It was a great day.

Horseshit

In one of my overnight stays with Old Guard, I got a fever.

I started getting the signs as I trekked up to his place after work. I know it was happening and I didn't stop myself. I want to meet him, I want to get fucked, and I want to have company.

My body was saying, "no man, you are fucking exhausted and need some alone time to unwind and get well. No sharing of body fluids!" I was not listening.

When I got in, we did it like some old couple. Me in his shirt and my jockstrap (the black one that laces on the front), prancing around in the semi-buff and him cooking us both breakfast and bathing me.

In between the first and the second session, I got the fever that went through over the night. I became his human radiator/body pillow. Really having the works: bodily pain, loss of appetite, exhaustion, and chills.

However, in the end of the visit. I got to play with his vibrators. Two of them.

After washing me, he prepped my hole first. I was on my back with my legs up, and he rimmed me. My toes curl and uncurl and he worked his way on my hole and I moaned as thanks to the sensations.

After a few moments, he took out what looked like an Arneos, the same one he played with me while my ankles where tied on a stick and up in the air. There's a curve that touches my taint and under my balls. and he set it on. It's not as sensational as a finger probing in there, but it was very comfortable to the sudden jolts of a finger.

It's like a really intense vibrating massage. You know how when your phone vibrates close to your cock? It's that, only better.

While he probes and shifts the thing a bit to probe that spot a bit more, he sits on my face and I preceded to eat his ass. I was surprised to see a few spots. Like beauty marks near ones lips. I traced those spots and worked my tongue over at the bulls-eye.

"Feels different ya?" He asked, before he tongued the area where my hole meets the vibrator.

"Yeah." I lean my head back.

He lifted himself a little to sooner than I liked, then switched the black one to a standard vibrator that looks like a Kalashnikov bullet. Neon Pink with a black base.

He pushed it inside and it felt a little better. The vibrating sensations got a little intense and he jack me off.

I love it when Old Guard jacks me off. He's a man who knows a value of patience. He doesn't continuously go up and down like an amateur would. He stops at the head and twists it around a bit, and takes his time to go down there feeling you up with his other hand in the process. "Sensitizing the body", as he'd call it. I'd do the same thing the second time I saw Cowboy.

Cumming was intense. It starts of with a humming and then a short circuit of everything. A sensation that lasts a few seconds that can only be brought about by another hand and a few long long minutes. My whole body would make spasms, my eyes would grow wide (some odd contortion in between pain and pleasure) and I'd forget my name for a few seconds.

Sunlit

Logistics suggested that the best time to fuck would only happen if I didn't attend that class.

There were no objections so I went and did it. I apologized to the professor and I asked something about the coming exam and some points from the homework. I wish I could tell you that I let him fuck my face, but in due time.

I met Security in a mall halfway to his apartment and he drove the rest of the way. We talked about stuff and there was the sleight of hand to my thigh. I like it when that happens.

Security is the first person I've actively campaigned to Ace in having a threesome with. So they know about each other and sees no problems with regularly fucking me separately or all together. Security asked if Ace was jealous or something to that effect. I told him no, he's completely fine with it. He knows.

I finally got to see his apartment. Bare, spacious, and nondescript. White walls, cream carpets, and stucco white ceiling. There's a large screen TV, a large cream sofa, and a small shelf with a picture of him and his roommate/ex mid-drop from a roller-coaster with the frame that might have come from the same amusement park they went to.

On the way to the bedroom which they currently share 'cause of some repairs, is a large floor to ceiling painting divided into nine rectangles. A bird in mid flight. It seemed that the personality of the whole house was concentrated in this painting and nowhere else.

The bedroom was almost the same. Bed, TV, two art prints, on way to the bathroom (no door*), and then a TV. There's a box of 90s porn in the veranda.

On my suggestion, we showered together. We made out under the spray and soaped our bodies. touched each other until were hard.

We got dried and went to the bedroom. Since were almost the same size and his dick is about the same size as mine, he entered easily while I was on my back. It felt nice.

Security is a bit tame except for those moments of excitement (with my suggestions) and the enthusiasm that he brings in is contagious. So I was glad I suggested the pictures and veranda.

He took some pictures of him inside, halfway inside, and only head inside. The flash was on so you can see his cock glazed and glistening with juices and we sent them to Ace.

Then the veranda. Lined by concrete and that went up to our chests.

We walked past the sliding doors and I can see the whole view of the city from about thirty stories high. Later, I'd actually realize how clearly visible we are to people below. There were also neighboring apartment buildings, so it was really easy to spot naked men fucking.

We got a rhythm, great sunlight, and a view for a few minutes until it got really cold from the breeze and we went back to bed and end the day with him and me in various positions: on my back, side, with my ass hanging from the edge of the bed, and cumming inside. We were in the middle of the bed soiled with lube and/or whatever, and he fingered me while I stroked myself to climax.

It was great that he lasted that long. We were both spent.

I asked earlier if he should've put a towel or something.

He said, "Do you think I care?"

Is the lube machine washable? Was one of my thoughts.

ACE 4

Changes are happening and I feel fucking off. Before I go spiraling into the deep, I manage to catch myself and lift myself up into the light. I get a hold of my doubts and just throw caution to the wind. I have to say I'm doing well compared to me a few years back.

--

XI.

If you're my top at the moment, and you're looking into my eyes at the millisecond of penetration, you might say the same thing Atlas has said. He said that I have this combination of fear and want in my eyes. He likes it.

The initial pain always gets to me. Was it because of that experience or does it go deeper into childhood? The cause does not really matter, and I'm getting better at acceptance. (Pun intended.) Relaxing the body, especially the shoulders and the hole, as one enters is a conscious effort.


In most times with Old Guard, especially when I'm tied down, I close my eyes and it helps (it heightens the other senses). During my time with Ace, fucking mostly happens in the spooning position which also helps.


XII.

I never knew how to consciously get out from the deep.
Series of life events made me avoid a certain point en route to my house. A lady, I imagined from the volume of the flowers by the post, killed herself. Maybe it was just a car accident where a lady was involved.

I played the imagined scenario in my head. It scared me to feel the zero gravity.
I told Ace about the stuff.

All I can remember was a very long hug. I clung to the fabric of his t-shirt, and inhaled really deep.

The fuck was very soft. Very gentle.

The usual spooning position. He had his arm around my neck, the other crossing my chest. Rather than pressing on to my throat, the arm was just there. Solid.

I held on to his arm and kissed it.


XIV.

We had coffee together and hang out by the beach. Almost sunset.

I told him that I was feeling insecure, lost, and not satisfied with there I am.

He recommended that I work on my goals.

Straddling the bench beside me, he put his left hand under my jeans in the front and the right hand on the other side.

As he played with the ring, prodding it, and rubbing my cock I tried not to make a sound.

I told him I want to give him a blowjob in the public restroom a few feet away. I didn't push so it didn't happen.


XV.

Recently, I texted him that the daddy he told me about wont be back from a business trip until several weeks or so.

Z: I'm writing daddy a note though. LOL
A: Nice
Z: Old Guard taught me patience.If it takes Month, I'm going to wait till Month for my Daddy. LOL.
A: Damn who r u and where's my boy?
Z: Your boy's grown up daddy. (But I'm still your boy. Lol)
A: LOL

--

Thank You. 

FME-699

1.

I was a year or so off from being a teenager. My first black dude and in-car blowjob and I was more nervous than I was excited.

I put up an ad (probably for just a blow-and-suck buddy), and we agreed to meet at a park parking lot.

I walked a little around the park, the night was settling in and it was as dark as it can be with post-work traffic and lampposts. It was probably so bright that I didn't notice the sky if there were any stars.

He parked at the least lit place, and moved to the spot under the lamppost.

I asked him this and he reasoned that there were people standing on the sides of the parked car right next to him, so he moved. Right under the lamppost.

It was reasonable.

There was no pre-blowjob antics; no kissing, petting, and nipple squeezing. In commando, his cock easily slipped out. Like some car ballet, we reclined at around the same time and I sucked him under the yellow beam of the lamppost.

It was thick and long enough to make me choke. He quietly came and, he stopped me from sucking him a bit more.

When he sucked me off, I was so anxious that I didn't let him finish me off. I was too anxious to sink into the blowjob. I jacked off at the end of it.

We wiped each other down with paper towels and that's it.


It felt like the whole thing was routine. Like nothing special happened, but I guess that's because there wasn't any built up or a connection. Another theory is that he can sense my inexperience. Whatever.

The one thing that made me laugh about my time with this guy, was that while I was at work I texted him if I could do it with his friends since he's busy. (We never met again.)

Yeah, that was really funny.


2.

He an Asian guy around my age. He also knows the native tongue.

Any sex related talk in native language while you're having sex is fucking weird. It's not that I'm ashamed to use the language, but I use this language to speak with my mother and other important people in my life. The language prompts their images in my mind.

In addition to the language, Med Student comes off as a variant of me. A version of me with more pounds on him, longer hair and a smaller cock. When we both realized that were living with our families, he thought of it as a blight on his existence. I thought of it as a money-saving opportunity.

When he said << penis >>, it almost threw me off balance.

He came a lot, and I got up from his lap with both cheeks puffed up.

I swallowed some of it, which threw him in a frenzy. He demanded me to spit it outside and gargle some water.

There was no reciprocation, he just promised it. As a med student, he also reminded me to get tested.

A few days later, he wants to meet again and he seemed to like me more than I wanted him to.

I asked Ace for boy advice.

I decided not to meet him again.

Misdirectcommunication

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Challenge Accepted

As of posting, I'm in the middle of being chaste till I meet with Old Guard. This would be the longest period of not jacking off; a week and a few days. This would be easier if there was a chastity device preventing me to even touch my cock (I leak a lot), but when you're not jacking off for someone it's a little easier. In addition, there are also tons of distractions from jacking off like work, projects, friends, and family. (Except the fucking dog whose licking all over the fucking place.)

After seeing Old Guard, I have at least a day and a half to jack off like a gym rat on a cheat day. One porn after another (I try to cum after the seven minute mark) in a quiet space where I can't be disturbed, licking my fingers of the evidence. When we schedule the next meeting, I tell him that I wont be jacking off until then. Fucking genius.

Reminding myself of this predicament, I remember jacking off in the school bus; I was the last kid to get out and all I need to do was to open the fly of my school uniform shorts (sexy amirite?), and later on slacks pants, and rub my cock through my white briefs until I explode. It was easy, all I need to do was look normal from the chest up and leave the cum on my briefs till I go home.

I can lie about being chaste and since I can do multiple orgasms alone (Seven within approx 24 hours) and with someone (Old Guard: four, two of which are dry, within approx 32 hours), I need to make sure not to jack off 5-6hours before I get to his place. But like any overachieving asshole, I'm into games and challenges. Also, I actually believe in the value and integrity of my word, and when I say, "I will not cum," I will not fucking cum. I don't know why I make it harder on myself.

Exhibit A: On one of our first tries for a missionary position, Ace's 7" would really hurt me. Sometimes, I make his job harder by not telling him and taking it like a trooper. He'd notice though and we'd go back to spooning.

"I was just seeing if I can go further," I reasoned as we cuddled.

"uhuh," he replied. His cock still inside me.

Exhibit B: I borrow a dozen library books all at once. I also try to read two at a time.

Exhibit C: I actually fainted during a workout. (2)

This adventurous spirit probably came from a past so restrained in all material and non-material ways (most where my fault), that one day I just said, "fuck it, let's let loose."

However, in some twisted paradox, I come to love the restraint Old Guard provides.

At one time, we started to drift off to sleep and it's the most comfy and horny state I've been in. My wrists and ankles are cuffed together with soft black leather, and he's spooning behind me, hands all over my body. My shallow breaths and mewls were interrupted by an occasional smack on my ass or stomach. He told me I was hard all night.

Maybe this "kink", as Old Guard would say, comes from my love of the bear necessities. The appreciation I have to the limits I learned to appreciate, respect and, at the same time, push against.

Or maybe I'm just a pig with untapped potential?

Movie 5

I think it has been a month or two since Movie 4. The gap is usual because we've developed this unwritten rule about movies; there needs to be a movie for a meeting to occur. Though there were meetings in between, but they were very rare and it usually involves his hands down my pants. (He's more of a sausage person than a nut guy. He didn't like me stroking his nuts.)

Merman knows about my thing with "my regular" [Ace] and I felt really sad about it. I learned a lot from it, I told him. Everything's a lesson dear, he texted back.

He was surprised that I lost more weight and got tanner. Running and sunshine will do that to you.

It wasn't peak time in the theater and fifteen minutes till the movie, so we made out a few feet from the double doors. I noticed he's a little more aggressive since the last time. He kneads my ass and I'm glad I do my squats.

"Oh, someone's watching us," he said pointing to the projector.

"What?" I looked up and he laughed. Nobody.

We sat down and talked while waiting for the movie. We also made out and stroked each other through fabrics.

"How do they make money?" He asks, as he strokes my arm.

"I don't know, they make it up later probably." I was stroking him back.

It seemed that we have the whole theater to ourselves. As the lights dim, we made out some more and I unbuckle my belt and opened my fly. Then he touches my cock trough my sports boxer briefs.

Then he opened his shorts and his cock was out. He's commando that day. I learned not to expect full blown sex from Merman, but this surprised me. Never thought that being "comfortable" with me meant like this.

Then a couple came in. Man and woman, the seated themselves in the middle of the theater, several rows in front of us. Yeah, it's still on.

Believe it or not we still watched the movie despite being 1/16th undressed, and at one point I actually took my shirt off. He made kisses at my shoulder as I kissed his knee and worked my way to his cock.

I took a dive and licked the head.

He hissed out a fuck.
I wish I gave him a blowjob, but I came here for the movie too.

We were the last one to get out of the theater, when the lights went back on. We made out some more, and those large just wont leave my ass.

He drove me a few blocks from the gym, on the way to his swim. It was traffic on the way, and we talked about guys I met on the internet and apps, life, and work. I wished the traffic was slower.

I told him that I promised myself that I wouldn't cum anymore unless I'm with another guy*.

Being in that theater and being stroked through my jeans when the chances of people seeing us are high... well through the whole trip, I think two guys saw me being fondled in two different occasions.

"Oh, god you're gonna drive me wild. Fuck no." The sound of my voice didn't make it very convincing.

At the drop off point, we pecked.

"So goddamn soft," I said.

"Oh, you."

I stepped out with my bag and gym bag, "See you later. Thank You!"
___

*I broke the promise, but I do make a regular effort not to masturbate much.

ACE 3

VIII.

One time my ass got really sore, probably from an enema gone wrong.

We were lying side by side and jacking each other off. I came and he came.

Then he went down on me and took all the cum, I reciprocated. Cumming in one's mouth is much better then licking someone's cum off.

Then we made out.

IX.

One time Roommate was on vacation, Ace invited me to stay over. (#FUCKYEAH!)

I arrived with the last bus, and he was dozing off. It took a few calls for the front apartment door to open.

He was moving an old sofa out. When I came in, the same sofa I sat on the first meeting was the first thing I saw. With it's feet against the wall, I still have to tip toe around it to avoid stepping on the back rest. I was wearing socks, so it's okay.

We sat on the sofa while I watched Family Guy and owned his tablet to read some comics. V for Vendetta (better in print) and Before Watchmen (better in digital).

"I don't think so!" Ace replied to Peter.

I laughed while I leaned on him while I flicked through the comics. I felt peaceful and serene.

I also felt I was procrastinating on reviewing for my Calculus 2 Finals.

When I finally ceded to sleep, we went to the bedroom and I got ready. We slept naked, and fucked me a few good minuted before officially sleeping. I wanted him to cum, but he didn't. So, I didn't.

He warned me of his snoring. I didn't care, he's right next to me.

I read a few more pages, the bright light bleeding to my side of the bed. I finally fell asleep. It's a different bed so, "you move too much," he said. It was more of an observation than an accusation really. 

he has his back to me and I leaned my forehead against him.



I woke up from the sounds in the bathroom.

I spent most of the early mornings doing my Calculus (and procrastinating with the tablet) review in my boxer briefs while he did some house stuff. Like everyone else, they have clutter problem, and he was fixing his side of the mess.

He recommended that I take a break from studying. He recommended by taking my head that I use in calculus and making out with it and taking my other head that doesn't need that much attention while doing calculus while making a side trip on my nipples. I was easily persuaded.

He bred me, calming me down.

He told me to leave around afternoon, as the roommate would be back from his vacation, and that everything in the fridge is up for breakfast.

I plundered the kitchen and made myself spinach omelet with a side of spam. Unfortunately, there was no rice so I went with wheat bread. I also took one of those carbonated flavored water. I should've ate more.

Self Limits

Night. I have my usual jacket-shirt-jeans garb on which is enough to ward off the freezing night winds. I was in the app waiting to get invited in.

I was waiting to be invited to this chub's place for some fucking and I was also chatting it up with nice looking Guy, a Pacific Islander who I think is handsome. I called Chub in the phone number he gave to me for an interview. Turns out, Guy is in the same apartment as Chub is; foursome in the making.

Talking with Chub was really interesting. In the app there was this occasional "bro" every sentence, but when it got to the phone call, the syntax was completely different. It didn't help that the voice in my imagination was totally different from the voice I'm hearing at the other end. It was way higher than I expected. Very high.

I was walking around the block, wrapping myself with my jacket with one hand while holding the phone with the other. I understand now that as host, Chub needs to practically know a lot more about me than physical appearance. Harmony between people (four in this case) is more than just good looks.

"The last bus goes out at around 1AM."

"Oh, that's gonna be rushed. When do you start work?"

"I start work at six..."

"Oh, you can't come in at three? four? five?"

"That's usually a time I set for my personal self."

Apart from time and space, there was another problem.

"... I don't even know if your a top---" His "significant other" is a top and Guy is a vers.

"Oh, I'm a bottom," I said (a little too automatically for my taste).

"Oh, we need a top ---"

Whatever was said here was blocked in my head, there was also this cold pit in my stomach. This is a week or so back from a long hiatus from the apps/internet, finding my old habits of dealing with rejection. The thing with Ace still stung.

Yes, I felt dejected and totally unworthy of sexual attraction. Yes, I took that very personally and got fucking sad.

He was apologizing, and I was rushing him with "okay" and "It's fine" because my manners were running thin.

I went home. Indignant.

I got pinged at the app once again. It was JD and Husky.

Husky was located somewhere between a bus transfer, in a neighborhood that's really dark. It's also sketchy because I got mugged a few times. Walking at night to Husky's place is a nightmare to my irrational mind.

From the bus stop to his place is about fifteen to twenty minutes, not to mention that it's an uphill walk. I calculated that there's an hour to get there, fuck or whatever, and get out. Running downhill is easier so there's a five minute margin.

I went to find the place. It took a while of dodging cars and running to the next puddle of light to finally get there. A car and an occasional person on a bike would make my heart jump. It also doesn't help that his place was near a park with no lights (it also doesn't help that most of my clothes are dark). My imagination is on double time and the images I came with did not induce any boners in my case.

I finally figured out the place, and he met me at the entrance of the complex. His makeshift bed, a blanket and futon, was right next to the front door while light from a room bleeds in. He warns me to be quiet.

Husky asked me in the app a week before if I was okay with him being "husky". I told him its okay, I consider myself "husky" too. He's about my height and twenty to thirty pounds heavier than me.

Aside from the bed, there's one large wicker chair and a flat screen TV in the living room. We kissed in the semi-dark, if he was trying to suck my face the way his lips moved over mine would've been perfect. I really didn't want to kneel and initiate a blowjob first, but I did. The carpeted floor made my descent a little comfortable.

His cock was easy to slide in my mouth. Fueled with indignation and just plain horny, I bobbed up and down as expertly as I could. We tussled a few, until the only article of clothing left between us was his Green Lantern t-shirt flipped over his head exposing his smooth and large belly. Husky actually tried to pry my head off his dick three times because he was close to cumming. Then he'd guide my face to his so we'd kiss in breaks.

Sucking Faces 2

I don't think much about kissing. I just go and plaster my face to the person willing to lock lips with me since I honestly thought that kissing was a natural and innate human thing. But I guess it's just more about feeling.

My first kissing experience was around five or six, when RJ, probably younger than me, and I made out with no tongue behind the parked cars on the apartment lot. That afternoon was unreasonably bright as I peeked out and saw his lashes. On the other side of the van was the rest of our friends playing. I also made out with his brother RB.

At one time, I was at the bottom of what seemed like a three story necking game where RB was kissing RJ's neck from his back and RJ was kissing my neck, and this was all happening when our parents where inches from the other side of the sofa. It was really funny, it reminded me of those janitor fishes rather than anything sexual.

Recently, mom told me that RJ was "like me", because at one point he was wearing a dress or something like that, I didn't ask about it. I have no idea what that news meant or why she told me that, but a look at his profile while writing this would say that he's living well in the Homeland, devoutly Roman Catholic and likes David Pomeranz. The D-man got some serious ballads man.

Ace is aggressive. Like a SWAT team, he rams his lips into mine and we'd just tongue fence opening each other up like it's our last breath. I'd cling to him for dear life. In the later years, we'd gone a bit more aggressive than the last. After making out behind the front door, he'd attack my neck and my collar bone. Automatically like some machine, my knees would buckle and I've completely surrendered. I'd claw his back as if it was a legitimate attempt to right myself up, and he'd hear my shallow breaths and moans. He told me that apart from the sounds I make, he likes the goosebumps that appear on my arms and shoulders.That time when he had a three day stubble; it felt great.

Merman takes his time and I'm very okay with that (sometimes). He doesn't fully open to the kisses sometimes; our lips would massage each other and I'd lick at his lips to ask for an entry. He doesn't always open, and if he does he withdraws again. He's very very very soft. Like Merman himself, Merman's kisses would give privilege to the lips he's most comfortable with. Some might get impatient with him, but as long as he's happy, I'm happy.

Security is wet and dirty (in a good way). As he takes me on his lips, he drags on leaving my lips glossed with his spit. There was spit everywhere. Learning as I was, I did the same.

One of the kisses that boggles me would probably belong with Atlas. if we ever meet again, he might not even remember I dubbed him Atlas. He doesn't know my name either so I called myself Ganymede. I'll change it to Patroclus in case. How about Hercules? I can feel eye rolls coming at me.

Either because we rarely kissed or his kisses were so.... minimal that It matched his apartment. Minimal in a sense of "now you see it, now you don't", It was so quick and clean I'm tempted to call it a peck (for lack of tongue). There's such a fleeting quality to it; I know it happened, but did it?

Probably because there was no (strong) emotional fervor in that kiss; he was looking for some fun thing to do and I just happened to be in the vicinity. Glad I was there.

ACE 2

I tried to recall things in order. Nope.

I.

It took us about four meetings to finally say each others names.

Sometimes, I'd get really tense when he enters. I'm still trying to get used to fucking.

He'd stop. "Zen," he'd say, his tone was serious.

"I'm fine." Sometimes I really needed that space, but most times I just wish he's stop asking these things.

Though, sometimes it takes real effort to relax. But I'd be meeting his thrusts a few minutes later.

II.

"It's not that I'm paying you for sex," he says as he hands me a 20. Apparently, my complaints for being broke earlier were heard and Ace thought that giving me money was a solution. It has it's benefits and drawbacks.

I took it reluctantly because I'm not interested in getting paid for sex (with him at least).

He assures me he can afford it. This is trait of his is the one I aspire to emulate the most.

At one point, I didn't cum because I was too hungry. I didn't eat anything last night and I hadn't had breakfast because I need to be clean down there (I was still learning on how to be a good bottom). He can only host in the mornings. (When I asked him for enema advice, he doesn't have anything to offer.)

We have our clothes on, I was on top of him and his finger assaulted my hole. Second knuckle deep I was moaning and salivating and kissing him. We were staring at each others eyes and I made sure he knows by the sounds that I make, my kisses, and the way I look at him that I was enjoying being fucked by just a finger. His cum was the lube.

He stopped. "Get off the bed before I rape you."

Fully resigned, I buried my face in the angle of his neck and just grumbled. I was tempted to disobey, but I was really hungry.

He took me to his regular restaurant (he doesn't cook that much), and we ate breakfast. I took a picture of my food like some hipster fucker and he made snide comments on how fat that other person is ordering a second meal, I shushed him and told him to mind his own business. I thanked him for the meal after as he drove me to one of the usual spots.

III.

Sometimes, when he's inside me, he flexes his cock.

A moan was my usual reaction and a snigger behind my ear was the reply.

One time, I was on my back and my legs were up. He was assaulting my hole with his fingers until it got really painful. But I really loved the way he pressed that spot repeatedly.

IV.

While fucking me in the spooning position, the perfect position for us, he'd reach around and rub my precum with his thumb and make me lick it.

After a few dozens of this ritual. He just needs to raise his thumb to my face and all I'll meet it halfway. I made sure I lick it and suck it dry.

I love it when were facing each other. Like a dad feeding his boy.

V.

I told him about this guy who was a bit more than horny for me.

Can I ask you for some guy advice?

Of course!

Sucking Faces

One night at work, I was deep in thought about the topic of sucking faces. Hours before, after Movie 6, Merman asked me if Old Guard was a good kisser. I'd like to think I'm a good kisser as JD said, but I never really got validation to the men I'd really love to suck faces with.

Z: I need to ask. Was I a good kisser?
Ace: I had no complaints! And I love to kiss!
Z: You're so fucking sweet man. Thanks! Lol.
A: Why someone making u question urself??? [He turns into such a dad sometimes..]
A: Always remember we all have our own reality!
Z: I was just curious. I do believe that theres no bad kisser or good kisser. It's just that your way of kissing doesn't match their way of kissing. Remember that wheezing guy? He just stuck his tongue out...
Z: And someone asked me, "is he a good kisser?" And I thought about it. I like his kisses, is that enough?
A: It's all in the moment!
Z: Of the kiss?
A: Yup
Z: I see.

Z: I need to ask. Am I a good kisser?
Merman: Yes you are why?
Z: Just curious.
Z: I realized recently that there are no good kissers and bad kissers. It's just that sometimes, their kissing doesn't match with your kissing.... or is there really a right way?
M: I think your analysis of kissing is spot on
M: Except of course when that kisser happens to be a smoker yuck
Z: .... yeah, there was a tobacco chewing dude. But from the taste, he seemed to have chewed on a handful of mint. Lol, sweet but ineffective.

ACE

The first meeting was way back, months after that horrible experience. By some miracle, I still want to fuck and I have faith that I'll have a good fuck. I'm glad I'm an optimist.

I met Ace in an app few minutes before my shift ended. I think I initiated the conversation, after a poke from him. We agreed to meet a few days from then. I remember telling him, for some unknown reasons why... probably instincts, of my awful experience with butt fucking. He reassured me I'll be fine.

----

I figured out which buses to take (a route I've memorized), and I passed by a house that's being built while doing uphill to his apartment building. Over the years, that skeleton would be a full fledged beautiful house with a large parking space.

I made it to the street of the building and we met outside, he looks like a regular 50 year old white guy (we're thirty years apart to the dot). Nothing spectacular or anything. He lead me inside and we talked a little, about the bus ride. I was in combination nervous, anxious, and downright scared. Later on, I'd recognize the cocktail of feelings I wrestled with as a "who-do-you-think-you-are-having-sex?". A combination of surprise and shame that questions the fact that I, of all people, can have sex and be sexy?!

I drank a glass of water, and after 15 seconds in the sofa we got to the bedroom ("Should we move to the bedroom?"). He was really gentle at maneuvering me to his bed (that he shares with his ex/roommate) and I needed it at that time. I got too eager though.

He stopped me in my kiss and said something like, "It's okay, slow down. No need to rush." Right after that something in me clicked and I calmed down so he could take the lead.

One of the things I enjoyed doing with him, was that he'll straddle me and close my legs together. Then he'll lift my balls and put a large wad of spit in the crevice. Then he'll fuck my taint. It feels amazing in between there, and I'll meet his thrusts. Sometimes, he'd hit it so right, I'd shudder.

I have no idea how long we fucked, but it was a great experience. I remember doing it doggy style and my hands were gripping the headboard. I remember it as a sort of validation that sex feels awesome; that sex is good. Later I realized that it was better because there was trust and mutual love and respect involved. At that moment, I was just meeting his thrusts.

We went to spooning. "Can I cum inside?" He was thrusting in and out of me, and I'm in some kind of pleasurable space.

"Yeah." A whisper enough for him to hear. I was unsure of this answer, but I'd say the same thing if I came back in time.

This was my first official bareback fucking experience (that got completed). The pleasure was intense as his cum expanded in my innards. Oh man, I can still feel ghosts  of it when i recall it.

After I came from jacking off, I froze from pleasure. The ceiling has a soft glow, my hand suspended in mid air, cum dripping off. I didn't think of anything other than the moment. He wipes me off and offers the shower, he has some nice sea saltwater soap. I love that scent because it's his too.

After cleanup, we talked for a little while. It'll take months to really be at ease with him, but I'd say we hit it great initially. The first strings of conversation involves a hint from him, that basically frames our relationship from then on (a complaint about overzealous sexual partners who cant distinguish between sex and a relationship proposal). Fuck Buddies. Nothing bad in that; "yeah, you're right," I agreed.

Then he'd talk about realizing his past life.

I was more materialistic back then, scrunched up my face.

He laughed at my response.

I laughed too.

I wish he was my first of firsts.

But I'm just very glad that we met.

Horse Training

After the thing with Ace, I got anxious from the fact that there's nothing constant anymore. I forgot that things always change and better things are always on their way.

Old Guard and I met through a fetish website, and moved to e-mails and then in person. I have little to no knowledge nor experience within bdsm, I just look at artists.

The first meeting was just the general talk. Though, we could've just gotten naked in his bedroom, but it was nice building rapport.We talked about general stuff, how he preferred men ("I can't go back .... I used to have girlfriends"), how long he had been a dom ("... many, many, many years")

He's in his 60s, Asian, and close to retiring. He's got a conservative upbringing and has never been touched as a child, so he likes body contact. He seems like a well balanced individual who owns his house outright (paid the mortgage early), and drives the 11-1 style. When I saw him stop his car in front of me to pick me up, I just went... really?

He thinks the current people in "kink" are all just showy and forgets the "mental side". He also thinks the same for the MMA fighters, no core strength and just upper bodies.

Z (e-mail): I remember when my fuck buddy [Ace] and I use to play rough. I'd get frustrated and fight back. It's like a conflict in my head: "I must follow [the] instruction,  but fuck you I do my way." I trust him, but as he said himself,  I have "trouble with control." Hence "rowdy" [from my profile].

O: ok so u are an aggressive sub?  u do not like someone to take control of you?  did ur ex tie you then play with u? or just rough anal play?

Z: Yeah.  Love being aggressive. I'm not trying to prove anything or test him, I just love the thrill of the fight. Like a prey who got hunted. Though,  i might great of winning and I'll get confused. Do you know any marital arts by any chance?  I only got kickboxing for a year. [I'm a beginner at best.]

His job, as dominant, would me to make me very comfortable as a sub and make me go in as a repeat customer. Like what he did with a six-foot white guy, "he shook all over," after his orgasm. I know he's telling the truth, there's no reason to lie in these things. A retiree experienced in the arts of carnal pleasures teaching a kid the way around the ropes, there's no reason to lie.

He's also funny. He can't do texting. Got a fucking land-line. So he uses his desktop computer.... think the 90s kine; a tower CPU with a floppy drive and a disk drive. Drives me the fuck insane. He also has a VHS in his room.... and a VHS tape on top of the TV.

After that, we get to meet next week. He picked me up at the same place. I haven't memorized it yet and we went to his gated community. A compact gathering of duplexes accented with shrubbery and gravel pathways. I was unsure of what will happen next, so I tried to feel up what's next the night before at work.

Z: This is a weird question...
Z: Probably not. But do I need to clean my ass? Lol
O: hmm, thought u wanted to go slow

Not really, I thought HE wanted to go slow.

O: hahaha, hey, if u feel comfortable, I would like to cuddle to start
Z: That'd be nice.
O: Also in time, I have enema in shower.
Z: You do?! Oh my god. That is so convenient. jesus!
O: cool, want u to feel u want to be here.

Z: And you got that covered.
O: Yes, hey, got into kink remember? have a lot of "things" which in time will surprise u
O: In time, open to try things when u feel ready with me
Z: my mind is racing...

O: I want to make ur orgasm as intense as u ever had

Z: Im getting a boner.
Z: That's all I could say at the moment.
O: good, want that even if u working

We ended up cuddling in the master bedroom, with the AC on. Got a nice view from the window above our heads, the light coming through is lovely, probably from the tints. I caught up on sleep.

From being fully clothed to fully naked was a very slow process. He was being extremely patient and I was just a little apprehensive. It's not drastically different from regular sex, it's just that I wasn't able to touch my penis more.

We both felt our hard-ons through our jeans. I think what happened first was him kissing my neck and running his hands on my sides.

That drove me into little spasms, my breath became hicks, and i wrapped my arms tighter around his neck, holding on.

"Ticklish...?"

"hmmm" is all I could say.

He straddles me and lifts my shirt up. Traces his stubble and his tongue around my torso and when he puts his mouth on my nipples it was amazing. It's not as rough as Ace does it, and the best way to describe it was a vibration.

I want to know how he does it. I never got to ask. Does he suckle on it? I can still remember ghosts of it.

Then he flipped me over and ran his face, tongue, and hands on my back. I can't stop shaking from the microns of sensations from his stubble, the light kisses, and the soft touches of his tongue and lips. Too much.

He turned me around and laid on my left and took my shirt off. His right snaking behind me and gripped my right wrist. His legs locked around on my legs. Akin to Jujitsu, he's got me pinned.

He'd then whispered things in my ear. And with my eyes closed, I imagined them. My breath was deep and heavy, and as he ghost his hand over my torso, I'd shake and arch my back.