ACE 4

Changes are happening and I feel fucking off. Before I go spiraling into the deep, I manage to catch myself and lift myself up into the light. I get a hold of my doubts and just throw caution to the wind. I have to say I'm doing well compared to me a few years back.

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XI.

If you're my top at the moment, and you're looking into my eyes at the millisecond of penetration, you might say the same thing Atlas has said. He said that I have this combination of fear and want in my eyes. He likes it.

The initial pain always gets to me. Was it because of that experience or does it go deeper into childhood? The cause does not really matter, and I'm getting better at acceptance. (Pun intended.) Relaxing the body, especially the shoulders and the hole, as one enters is a conscious effort.


In most times with Old Guard, especially when I'm tied down, I close my eyes and it helps (it heightens the other senses). During my time with Ace, fucking mostly happens in the spooning position which also helps.


XII.

I never knew how to consciously get out from the deep.
Series of life events made me avoid a certain point en route to my house. A lady, I imagined from the volume of the flowers by the post, killed herself. Maybe it was just a car accident where a lady was involved.

I played the imagined scenario in my head. It scared me to feel the zero gravity.
I told Ace about the stuff.

All I can remember was a very long hug. I clung to the fabric of his t-shirt, and inhaled really deep.

The fuck was very soft. Very gentle.

The usual spooning position. He had his arm around my neck, the other crossing my chest. Rather than pressing on to my throat, the arm was just there. Solid.

I held on to his arm and kissed it.


XIV.

We had coffee together and hang out by the beach. Almost sunset.

I told him that I was feeling insecure, lost, and not satisfied with there I am.

He recommended that I work on my goals.

Straddling the bench beside me, he put his left hand under my jeans in the front and the right hand on the other side.

As he played with the ring, prodding it, and rubbing my cock I tried not to make a sound.

I told him I want to give him a blowjob in the public restroom a few feet away. I didn't push so it didn't happen.


XV.

Recently, I texted him that the daddy he told me about wont be back from a business trip until several weeks or so.

Z: I'm writing daddy a note though. LOL
A: Nice
Z: Old Guard taught me patience.If it takes Month, I'm going to wait till Month for my Daddy. LOL.
A: Damn who r u and where's my boy?
Z: Your boy's grown up daddy. (But I'm still your boy. Lol)
A: LOL

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Thank You. 

Sucking Faces 2

I don't think much about kissing. I just go and plaster my face to the person willing to lock lips with me since I honestly thought that kissing was a natural and innate human thing. But I guess it's just more about feeling.

My first kissing experience was around five or six, when RJ, probably younger than me, and I made out with no tongue behind the parked cars on the apartment lot. That afternoon was unreasonably bright as I peeked out and saw his lashes. On the other side of the van was the rest of our friends playing. I also made out with his brother RB.

At one time, I was at the bottom of what seemed like a three story necking game where RB was kissing RJ's neck from his back and RJ was kissing my neck, and this was all happening when our parents where inches from the other side of the sofa. It was really funny, it reminded me of those janitor fishes rather than anything sexual.

Recently, mom told me that RJ was "like me", because at one point he was wearing a dress or something like that, I didn't ask about it. I have no idea what that news meant or why she told me that, but a look at his profile while writing this would say that he's living well in the Homeland, devoutly Roman Catholic and likes David Pomeranz. The D-man got some serious ballads man.

Ace is aggressive. Like a SWAT team, he rams his lips into mine and we'd just tongue fence opening each other up like it's our last breath. I'd cling to him for dear life. In the later years, we'd gone a bit more aggressive than the last. After making out behind the front door, he'd attack my neck and my collar bone. Automatically like some machine, my knees would buckle and I've completely surrendered. I'd claw his back as if it was a legitimate attempt to right myself up, and he'd hear my shallow breaths and moans. He told me that apart from the sounds I make, he likes the goosebumps that appear on my arms and shoulders.That time when he had a three day stubble; it felt great.

Merman takes his time and I'm very okay with that (sometimes). He doesn't fully open to the kisses sometimes; our lips would massage each other and I'd lick at his lips to ask for an entry. He doesn't always open, and if he does he withdraws again. He's very very very soft. Like Merman himself, Merman's kisses would give privilege to the lips he's most comfortable with. Some might get impatient with him, but as long as he's happy, I'm happy.

Security is wet and dirty (in a good way). As he takes me on his lips, he drags on leaving my lips glossed with his spit. There was spit everywhere. Learning as I was, I did the same.

One of the kisses that boggles me would probably belong with Atlas. if we ever meet again, he might not even remember I dubbed him Atlas. He doesn't know my name either so I called myself Ganymede. I'll change it to Patroclus in case. How about Hercules? I can feel eye rolls coming at me.

Either because we rarely kissed or his kisses were so.... minimal that It matched his apartment. Minimal in a sense of "now you see it, now you don't", It was so quick and clean I'm tempted to call it a peck (for lack of tongue). There's such a fleeting quality to it; I know it happened, but did it?

Probably because there was no (strong) emotional fervor in that kiss; he was looking for some fun thing to do and I just happened to be in the vicinity. Glad I was there.