ACE

The first meeting was way back, months after that horrible experience. By some miracle, I still want to fuck and I have faith that I'll have a good fuck. I'm glad I'm an optimist.

I met Ace in an app few minutes before my shift ended. I think I initiated the conversation, after a poke from him. We agreed to meet a few days from then. I remember telling him, for some unknown reasons why... probably instincts, of my awful experience with butt fucking. He reassured me I'll be fine.

----

I figured out which buses to take (a route I've memorized), and I passed by a house that's being built while doing uphill to his apartment building. Over the years, that skeleton would be a full fledged beautiful house with a large parking space.

I made it to the street of the building and we met outside, he looks like a regular 50 year old white guy (we're thirty years apart to the dot). Nothing spectacular or anything. He lead me inside and we talked a little, about the bus ride. I was in combination nervous, anxious, and downright scared. Later on, I'd recognize the cocktail of feelings I wrestled with as a "who-do-you-think-you-are-having-sex?". A combination of surprise and shame that questions the fact that I, of all people, can have sex and be sexy?!

I drank a glass of water, and after 15 seconds in the sofa we got to the bedroom ("Should we move to the bedroom?"). He was really gentle at maneuvering me to his bed (that he shares with his ex/roommate) and I needed it at that time. I got too eager though.

He stopped me in my kiss and said something like, "It's okay, slow down. No need to rush." Right after that something in me clicked and I calmed down so he could take the lead.

One of the things I enjoyed doing with him, was that he'll straddle me and close my legs together. Then he'll lift my balls and put a large wad of spit in the crevice. Then he'll fuck my taint. It feels amazing in between there, and I'll meet his thrusts. Sometimes, he'd hit it so right, I'd shudder.

I have no idea how long we fucked, but it was a great experience. I remember doing it doggy style and my hands were gripping the headboard. I remember it as a sort of validation that sex feels awesome; that sex is good. Later I realized that it was better because there was trust and mutual love and respect involved. At that moment, I was just meeting his thrusts.

We went to spooning. "Can I cum inside?" He was thrusting in and out of me, and I'm in some kind of pleasurable space.

"Yeah." A whisper enough for him to hear. I was unsure of this answer, but I'd say the same thing if I came back in time.

This was my first official bareback fucking experience (that got completed). The pleasure was intense as his cum expanded in my innards. Oh man, I can still feel ghosts  of it when i recall it.

After I came from jacking off, I froze from pleasure. The ceiling has a soft glow, my hand suspended in mid air, cum dripping off. I didn't think of anything other than the moment. He wipes me off and offers the shower, he has some nice sea saltwater soap. I love that scent because it's his too.

After cleanup, we talked for a little while. It'll take months to really be at ease with him, but I'd say we hit it great initially. The first strings of conversation involves a hint from him, that basically frames our relationship from then on (a complaint about overzealous sexual partners who cant distinguish between sex and a relationship proposal). Fuck Buddies. Nothing bad in that; "yeah, you're right," I agreed.

Then he'd talk about realizing his past life.

I was more materialistic back then, scrunched up my face.

He laughed at my response.

I laughed too.

I wish he was my first of firsts.

But I'm just very glad that we met.

Horse Training

After the thing with Ace, I got anxious from the fact that there's nothing constant anymore. I forgot that things always change and better things are always on their way.

Old Guard and I met through a fetish website, and moved to e-mails and then in person. I have little to no knowledge nor experience within bdsm, I just look at artists.

The first meeting was just the general talk. Though, we could've just gotten naked in his bedroom, but it was nice building rapport.We talked about general stuff, how he preferred men ("I can't go back .... I used to have girlfriends"), how long he had been a dom ("... many, many, many years")

He's in his 60s, Asian, and close to retiring. He's got a conservative upbringing and has never been touched as a child, so he likes body contact. He seems like a well balanced individual who owns his house outright (paid the mortgage early), and drives the 11-1 style. When I saw him stop his car in front of me to pick me up, I just went... really?

He thinks the current people in "kink" are all just showy and forgets the "mental side". He also thinks the same for the MMA fighters, no core strength and just upper bodies.

Z (e-mail): I remember when my fuck buddy [Ace] and I use to play rough. I'd get frustrated and fight back. It's like a conflict in my head: "I must follow [the] instruction,  but fuck you I do my way." I trust him, but as he said himself,  I have "trouble with control." Hence "rowdy" [from my profile].

O: ok so u are an aggressive sub?  u do not like someone to take control of you?  did ur ex tie you then play with u? or just rough anal play?

Z: Yeah.  Love being aggressive. I'm not trying to prove anything or test him, I just love the thrill of the fight. Like a prey who got hunted. Though,  i might great of winning and I'll get confused. Do you know any marital arts by any chance?  I only got kickboxing for a year. [I'm a beginner at best.]

His job, as dominant, would me to make me very comfortable as a sub and make me go in as a repeat customer. Like what he did with a six-foot white guy, "he shook all over," after his orgasm. I know he's telling the truth, there's no reason to lie in these things. A retiree experienced in the arts of carnal pleasures teaching a kid the way around the ropes, there's no reason to lie.

He's also funny. He can't do texting. Got a fucking land-line. So he uses his desktop computer.... think the 90s kine; a tower CPU with a floppy drive and a disk drive. Drives me the fuck insane. He also has a VHS in his room.... and a VHS tape on top of the TV.

After that, we get to meet next week. He picked me up at the same place. I haven't memorized it yet and we went to his gated community. A compact gathering of duplexes accented with shrubbery and gravel pathways. I was unsure of what will happen next, so I tried to feel up what's next the night before at work.

Z: This is a weird question...
Z: Probably not. But do I need to clean my ass? Lol
O: hmm, thought u wanted to go slow

Not really, I thought HE wanted to go slow.

O: hahaha, hey, if u feel comfortable, I would like to cuddle to start
Z: That'd be nice.
O: Also in time, I have enema in shower.
Z: You do?! Oh my god. That is so convenient. jesus!
O: cool, want u to feel u want to be here.

Z: And you got that covered.
O: Yes, hey, got into kink remember? have a lot of "things" which in time will surprise u
O: In time, open to try things when u feel ready with me
Z: my mind is racing...

O: I want to make ur orgasm as intense as u ever had

Z: Im getting a boner.
Z: That's all I could say at the moment.
O: good, want that even if u working

We ended up cuddling in the master bedroom, with the AC on. Got a nice view from the window above our heads, the light coming through is lovely, probably from the tints. I caught up on sleep.

From being fully clothed to fully naked was a very slow process. He was being extremely patient and I was just a little apprehensive. It's not drastically different from regular sex, it's just that I wasn't able to touch my penis more.

We both felt our hard-ons through our jeans. I think what happened first was him kissing my neck and running his hands on my sides.

That drove me into little spasms, my breath became hicks, and i wrapped my arms tighter around his neck, holding on.

"Ticklish...?"

"hmmm" is all I could say.

He straddles me and lifts my shirt up. Traces his stubble and his tongue around my torso and when he puts his mouth on my nipples it was amazing. It's not as rough as Ace does it, and the best way to describe it was a vibration.

I want to know how he does it. I never got to ask. Does he suckle on it? I can still remember ghosts of it.

Then he flipped me over and ran his face, tongue, and hands on my back. I can't stop shaking from the microns of sensations from his stubble, the light kisses, and the soft touches of his tongue and lips. Too much.

He turned me around and laid on my left and took my shirt off. His right snaking behind me and gripped my right wrist. His legs locked around on my legs. Akin to Jujitsu, he's got me pinned.

He'd then whispered things in my ear. And with my eyes closed, I imagined them. My breath was deep and heavy, and as he ghost his hand over my torso, I'd shake and arch my back.

Appointment

Ace:  Slut
A: LOL
Z: You knew that the moment you laid eyes on me. LOL
A: HaHa

Week After.

Z: Guy #2 is an ex-military. Fucking hot and quite an inspiring guy.
Z: It might not look like it, bit it really is a productive day today. LOL
A: Nice.
Z: I made a mistake of making him cum outside. Dude. He's as big as you. AND HIS ASS WAS DELICIOUS.
Z: Then I wrote some e-mails did some some work and read a magazine. I can't believe it man, I'm a really lucky guy.
A: Damn wish I was playing maybe we could do a three way
Z: It was a real quick one. Fucking rough. God I love it.
Z: Skinny type of guy. Looks like that actor.
Z: Heeeey. Aren't you supposed to be a good boy? [Ace is dating someone]
A: Hmmmmm, Could be fun!!
Z: Lol. The mister might not be that strict. lol
A: Hmmmm
Z: Hmmmmmmm [fuck, I hate the "hmmmm" the fuck does that mean?]
Z: My fear of staying after hours in the shop. Because that seems to be the only place, is that I'll miss the last bus. But thats just 6 hours of reading and napping at the bus stop [for the next bus]. Lol. Whatever. There are other cocks.
A: The adventurer!

Later that night.

Z (from my phone): That day seems best.
Old Guard (his desktop computer): ok, you plan to be here 8am? also, sleep here then when rested want to learn more sub play? how long do you want to stay?
Z: As long as you can. Last bus at 12 I believe. I'll double check. I was wondering if we can use the fleshlight if thats ok.
O: Sure, guess u never used one.
Z: Nope
Z: Also, teach me that tie thing. Lol.
O: different feel, u will find out esp if u are tied
O: on ur cock/balls?
O: u liked it huh?
Z: I did. It was so interesting I wanna take pictures.
O: sure.
Z: I think I'm not ready for a blindfold yet. I dunno why, I think its because I like my vision so much.
O: confirm the day before if that day is definite, hope u are not working too hard
Z: Nope. I learned to take the right amount. Also vitamins and sleep.
O: sure, perhaps later, blindfolds creates more of a mental aspect in bondage, the mind works alot if cant see
Z; That;s the thing. The mind gets to more thinking. You just shut one of the avenues.
O: yes but that is the idea. e.g. bondage ur feeling now is transferred to ur skin on ur body, u will become very sensitive even areas not before
Z: I trained my mine to be more quiet. Then this?
O: well see how u enjoy bondage, then see how things evolve
Z: Yup.
O: to me that's when bdsm play is all about, experimentation and potential expansion of pleasures and growth
Z: how many subs did you go through so far?
O: actually not many as u think, people talk of it more than willing to try it. it tends to be more fantasy than reality to most.
Z: Would it be called different if lets say drawing blood was involved?
O: actually no, blood is in the realm of bdsm, just a vast majority don't do it. e.g. breath control, etc. there are areas very few venture into
Z: Ok. Hows your end doing?
O: am doing ok, nothing much, also, seems u have not participated into a lot of "kink" play?
Z: rough fucks seems to be the closets ever. Its so funny I had sex twice yesterday and I really like the shorter and rougher second one. I didn't even cum.
Z: turns out I really really like rimming
Z: *love
O: rough makes u feel more like an "it" versus a person? for u?
Z: It's not really being objectified. the second one made me feel a little like masturbatory material rather than a sex partner.
Z: so being used wasn't that fun.
Z: what I really liked and had fun with the guy was the blase-ness of it and the intense sensations.
O: ah ok, we'll see. I like feedback from u what turns u on or not. I tend to develop methods to excite
Z: there was no pretense. We just drove right in it. Then we talked about shit and whatever after.
Z: I'll tell you more about it. It's still fresh in my head.
O: ok, seems u are being experiential with different guys.
Z: I guess so.
O: ok, going to bed, catch you later
Z: yep
O: have ur wrists been tied to ur ankles to expose ur ass for fucking
Z: nope.

Before I could ask why did he ask, I was cut off by his reply.

O: ok
O: anyways chat more, gonna go offline, take care
Z: K

Son of a bitch. The next day.

O: need to cancel tomorrow meeting, wont be able to host.
Z: okay. That put a damper in me.

Then silence, I didn't bother. I have a feeling that was intentional.